Aye, sea turtles!

i regret..

i regretted knowing u.. i regret even seeing u for the very first time.. the first time i saw you at KFC, the time i asked your friend for ut msn, the time i added you..

this is how i met you.. and well.. obviously, i regret it now.. maybe.. if i went back to time, i would change one thing.. and it was to not choose to go have lunch at KFC on that day, and ever seeing u, or noticing you..

i cannot do anything.. i wish i can forget you, but i cannot.. it has been 2 months since i told you the truth, and well, i was bent on removing all traces of u from my life..

well, seems like my resolve was never strong enough.. i guess, i am not as strong as i think i am.. i cannot bear to do it.. i cannot sleep when i think about you..

i remember all the times, i wasted smses over practically nothing, smsing nonsense wih you.. and not i really feel that it is a waste.. yea.. it is a waste.. i could have spent my time studying, like my parents wants me to do.. well, nope, all i can do is think about nonsense..

well.. it is about time it dawned on me.. it was always wishful thinking on my part, and well.. i have deluded myself so badly, i cannot recognise myself anymore..

there is no one i can share this pain along with.. the only thing that can help is for me to hid my face in the pillow, and sleep.. everything i do reminds me of u.. even going to sleep..

i remember many things u use to say.. although all is nonsense, i still remember.. although i deleted the smses.. if ur sad, sleep bah.. sleep lerh can forget everything..

yea.. i wish this can happen again.. now i know why people like to inflict cuts to themseves.. well, it distracts them from what they feel for a time being.. having being so sad, the sudden pain stops them from thinking about it, and the feeling is just ecstacy.. u cannot stop, until ur common sense comes back..

i tried, i failed.. i failed, i tried again.. well.. maybe it is time, to stop trying..

well today was running club.. started late.. haix.. but anyway, running makes me stop thinking temporarily.. and well.. seems like it is doing a great job.. guess i will be happy running... although i run damn slow, well.. it seems fun for me.. and i seem to love running with friends.. it is always a joy to do so..

why can't i stop feeling jealous??? why do i have to feel jealous over this.. i have no rights to feel jealous.. i am just someone you know.. i am only your acquantaince..

sekaii ni hito tsu dake no hana..

deadguy

inverted a turtle at 4:48 AM,
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