Autophobic

CHange address

2010-01-16T07:49:00.001-08:00

http://identityinlife.wordpress.com/

2010-01-14T08:02:00.000-08:00

A place where i am welcomed..
A place where i feel that there is a need for me to be in..
A place where i feel that people want me there..

this is what i long for..

You always give the face as if you don't welcome me, and the small things you do just makes it even more obvious..

When i talk, you will usually give the uninterested face, you will try your best to change topic.. seriously, if you have any problem with me, say it in my face.. i won't catch any of your hints even if you are laying them out at me.. You may say that i am thinking too much.. but every small things you do just shows your heart.. It does not like my presence.. If you really don't like my presence, then tell me.. I won't want to stay in yours either..

You are so self-centred, and want things your way.. You want talk, we talk.. but you always go around the same topic.. "Put it away" yea.. thats what you say.. the fact that you keep talking about it is you are just doing the opposite.. every 10min you will go back to it..

ALL AGAIN FOR YOU

I couldn't sleep last night
I walked alone
On the beach
Where we always used to go
When we couldn't hook up at home

I thought of you
And the time we jumped the fence
Both sides ripped down
We dove right in
And the cops chased us again

When you were mine
You know

We had it all in front of us
You were the one
I was in love
But you always hurt
the one you lost
I couldn't get enough

You were everything
That's bad for me
Make no apologies
I'm crushed...
Black and blue
But you know
I'd do it all again for you

Today, dressed up
In designer drugs
Dedicated to the one
I'll always love
The one who really messed me up

I let you take the wheel
And the driver's seat
Strapped in
So you get the best of me
Now what's left are the memories

When you were mine
You know

We had it all in front of us
You were the one
I was in love
But you always hurt
The one you lost
I couldn't get enough

You were everything
That's bad for me
Make no apologies
I'm crushed...
Black and blue
But you know
I'd do it all again for you

I am standing in the ocean rain
Rough and ready
For your deadly game
I've got nowhere else to go

We had it all in front of us
You were the one
I was in love
But you always hurt
The one you lost
I couldn't get enough

You were everything
That's bad for me
Make no apologies
I'm crushed...
Black and blue
But you know
I'd do it all again for you
(You know I'd do it all again for you)
(I swear I'd do it all again for you)

You really were bad for me from the start.. Every single thing we did, was wrong.. you don't have to apologise.. It seems like it is all over from you.. I was the one who said that we should stop.. But I am the one who can't let go.. Why is it so hard? Is it because i no longer treasure the Relationship that is more important?
I really don't know.. I have never felt so insecure before.. Take it away..

You can sit beside me when the world comes down, if you don't want to, you can always turn around..

2010-01-10T08:19:00.000-08:00

very tired.. went to Adidas clearance sale.. did not know that their shirt so nice design derh!! very nice!!! i love it.. but only problem is i want Ipod Nano~ lol.. Red colour derh.. Saw Anna's very nice hmm.. maybe not a Nano~ but something to carry my music for me~ that will do.. the Shirt design really cool..

Got a running shirt, polo tee, and running shoes.. total, $171 thats all from my birthday angpao and merit bursary award since my parents won't let me spend it on anything else.. somehow i feel guilty for spending so much..

Got a reverse bounce.. Brother says that the centre part of the sole cracks easily.. That shoe not good for x-terrain.. but on a track, it is gonna be great~ x terrain i most likely gonna use my adizero~ Bananas..

haha.. XY has asked me so many times how i feel about BGR, but i always used other people's reasons to not have one.. and well it is not personalised.. so, today, i spent 20min thinking why.. and well.. i finally got on a proper reason and i am very convicted about..

You want to stop everything in between us, dun return..
You want to stop your nonsense, and walk properly with God, then return..

A story of Faith..

2010-01-06T18:13:00.000-08:00

Saw this video in Irina's blog.. from our Uni-ya group~ it really struck me so much.. The God-shaped hole in all of us that is waiting to be filled, the missing true purpose of our lives, and so much more..

Joyce's story from Justin Choo on Vimeo.

The weak resolve..

2010-01-06T04:36:00.000-08:00

I told Cyril, A new year, Fresh start, Fresh hope..

but after so much talking, i am still so weak.. My resolve is so fragile.. it will break so easily by just 1 person.. even though i told myself, it is not worth anything, it is not of any purpose, i still feel so weak in her presence.. i feel vulnerable..

it is hard to forget, and it disgusts my how fickle her heart is.. and i want to let go.. Satan sure loves to tempt me.. But i know God will be there to remind me of my purpose here.. My purpose that keeps me going, my purpose that drives me to move on..

Take my heart for your purpose, and God, be the Solution..

Home

2009-12-10T20:49:00.000-08:00

Recently staying at home more, parents complaining that i am out too much.. so.. yeap~ very bored.. at home oso nothing to do..

I really should stop dwelling on past happenings, but they tend to haunt me to remind me never to commit the same mistakes.. People change, people stay the same.. It is very difficult to understand everything in the world, but all we need to know is who created everything.. =D

Work

2009-12-08T06:42:00.000-08:00

Work getting better xD

hehehe.. very tired..

Tired..

2009-12-06T04:11:00.000-08:00

today morning, 6.30 go city hall, almost shit in my pants.. i think i have indigestion.. went for the run.. run with lik wee.. aah.. finish the time very wet.. take freebies, take take then go off kinda late.. haha..

reach causeway.. start.. aaah

today did not have so much difficulty.. haha.. not much problem.. onli very tired, coz of the morning run.. very little mess ups~ =D

finish lerh, go meet L-turnanto~

super tired.. felt like fainting.. faster went home, sleep.. missed dinner, had dinner, and now i am here.. haha.. having nightmares of the stress at work.. aaaah!!

Very Frustrated

2009-12-02T03:51:00.000-08:00

Science Vs Religion

(Please read till the end to find out who is the student)

'Let me explain the problem science has with religion.' The atheist professor of philosophy pauses before his class and then asks one of his new students to stand.

'You're a Christian, aren't you, son?'

'Yes sir,' the student says.

'So you believe in God?'

'Absolutely.'

'Is God good?'

'Sure! God's good.'

'Is God all-powerful? Can God do anything?'

'Yes.'

'Are you good or evil?'

'The Bible says I'm evil.'

The professor grins knowingly. 'Aha! The Bible!'

He considers for a moment, 'Here's one for you. Let's say there's a sick person over here and you can cure him. You can do it. Would you help him? Would you try?'

'Yes sir, I would.'

'So you're good!'

'I wouldn't say that.'

'But why not say that? You'd help a sick and maimed person if you could. Most of us would if we could. But God doesn't.'

The student does not answer, so the professor continues.

'He doesn't, does he? My brother was a Christian who died of cancer, even though he prayed to Jesus to heal him. How is this Jesus good? Hmmm? Can you answer that one?'

The student remains silent.

'No, you can't, can you?' the professor says. He takes a sip of water from a glass on his desk to give the student time to relax

'Let's start again, young fella. Is God good?'

'Er...yes,' the student says.

'Is Satan good?'

The student doesn't hesitate on this one, 'No.'

'Then where does Satan come from?'

The student falters, 'From God.'

'That's right. God made Satan, didn't he? Tell me, son. Is there evil in this world?'

'Yes, sir...'

'Evil's everywhere, isn't it? And God did make everything, correct?'

'Yes.'

'So who created evil?' The professor continued, 'If God created everything, then God created evil, since evil exists, and according to the principle that our works define who we are, then God is evil.'

Again, the student has no answer.

'Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things, do they exist in this world?'

The student squirms on his feet. 'Yes.'

'So who created them?'

The student does not answer again, so the professor repeats his question, 'Who created them?'

There is still no answer... Suddenly the lecturer breaks away to pace in front of the classroom. The class is mesmerized.

'Tell me,' he continues onto another student. 'Do you believe in Jesus Christ, son?'

The student's voice betrays him and cracks. 'Yes, professor, I do.'

The old man stops pacing, 'Science says you have five senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Have you ever seen Jesus?'

'No sir. I've never seen Him.'

'Have you ever felt your Jesus, tasted your Jesus or smelt your Jesus? Have you ever had any sensory perception of Jesus Christ, or God for that matter?'

'No, sir, I'm afraid I haven't.'

'Yet you still believe in him?'

'Yes.'

'According to the rules of empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says your God doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son?'

'Nothing,' the student replies. 'I only have my faith.'

'Yes, faith,' the professor repeats. 'And that is the problem science has with God. There is no evidence, only faith.'

The student stands quietly for a moment, before asking a question of His own. 'Professor, is there such thing as heat?'

'Yes,' the professor replies. 'There's heat.'

'And is there such a thing as cold?'

'Yes, son, there's cold too.'

'No sir, there isn't.'

The professor turns to face the student, obviously interested. The room suddenly becomes very quiet.

The student begins to explain...

'You can have lots of heat, even more heat, super-heat, mega-heat, unlimited heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat, but we don't have anything called 'cold'. We can hit up to 458 degrees below zero, which is no heat, but we can't go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold; otherwise we would be able to go colder than the lowest -458 degrees.'

'Everybody or object is susceptible to study when it has or transmits energy, and heat is what makes a body or matter have or transmit energy. Absolute zero ( -458 F ) is the total absence of heat. You see, sir, cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat we can measure in thermal units because heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it.'

Silence across the room. A pen drops somewhere in the classroom, sounding like a hammer.

'What about darkness, professor. Is there such a thing as darkness?'

'Yes,' the professor replies without hesitation. 'What is night if it isn't darkness?'

'You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is not something; it is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light, but if you have no light constantly you have nothing and its called darkness, isn't it? That's the meaning we use to define the word. In reality, darkness isn't. If it were, you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn't you?'

The professor begins to smile at the student in front of him. This will be a good semester. 'So what point are you making, young man?'

'Yes, professor. My point is, your philosophical premise is flawed to start with, and so your conclusion must also be flawed.'

The professor's face cannot hide his surprise this time, 'Flawed? Can you explain how?'

'You are working on the premise of duality,' the student explains...

'You argue that there is life and then there's death; a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, science can't even explain a thought.'

'It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life, just the absence of it...'

'Now tell me, professor. Do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?'

'If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, young man, yes, of course I do.'

'Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?'

The professor begins to shake his head, still smiling, as he realizes where the argument is going. A very good semester, indeed.

'Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you now not a scientist, but a preacher?'

The class is in uproar. The student remains silent until the commotion has subsided.

'To continue the point you were making earlier to the other student, let me give you an example of what I mean.' The student looks around the room, 'Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the professor's brain?' The class breaks out into laughter.

'Is there anyone here who has ever heard the professor's brain, felt the professor's brain, touched or smelt the professor's brain? No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established rules of empirical, stable, demonstrable protocol, science says that you have no brain, with all due respect, sir.'

'So if science says you have no brain, how can we trust your lectures, sir?'

Now the room is silent. The professor just stares at the student, his face unreadable. Finally, after what seems an eternity, the old man answers, 'I guess you'll have to take them on faith.'

'Now, you accept that there is faith, and, in fact, faith exists with life,' the student continues, 'Now, sir, is there such a thing as evil?'

Now uncertain, the professor responds, 'Of course, there is. We see it everyday. It is in the daily example of man's inhumanity to man. It is in the multitude of crime and violence everywhere in the world. These manifestations are nothing else but evil.'

To this the student replied, 'Evil does not exist sir, or at least it does not exist unto itself. Evil is simply the absence of God. It is just like darkness and cold, a word that man has created to describe the absence of God. God did not create evil. Evil is the result of what happens when man does not have God's love present in his heart. It's like the cold that comes when there is no heat or the darkness that comes when there is no light.'

The professor sat down.

If you read it all the way through and had a smile on your face when you finished, mail it to your friends and family.

PS: The student was Albert Einstein .

Got this chain mail from a friend.. kinda cool..

SUPER FRUSTRATED with my parents.. first they complain that i am always out.. then i try to make it home for dinner, they already eat finish.. so whats the point of rushing..

then mum tell me that my sms reached 1200, when i onli have 650 free.. then they say that incoming smses oso have count.. so the incoming already so many, then might as well dun sms people.. then keep scolding me.. then elder sister oso join in to shoot me.. so frustrating.. and they say they are getting angry at me..

1st day at Buy And Throw Away

2009-12-01T06:06:00.000-08:00

1st day of work, okok.. really dunno where the shoes are.. haha.. everything everywhere, boxes in a mess, move around, carry ladder oso keep knocking down badly placed boxes.. hard to find everything sia.. remembering places where the boxes are, models are at where, which brand at which place, Thank God for the helpful helpful people that helped me.. haha..

although they starting give me the dun like my presence look, but they still helped me.. xD Thank God!

Hmm.. this question i dunno how i can answer.. How am I to God? Gotta think~

Busy

2009-11-29T04:32:00.000-08:00

Glenn is busy..

Monday work, tuesdays work, wednesday LG, thursday, Tkd, Friday rest..

hopefully i can keep everything in schedule.. parents dun kill me for being so busy even though they are the one who wants me to get a job.. people to stop discouraging me with my job, and people to support me in what i am doing instead.. but i won't be discouraged.. He will tell me whether i am being too busy for him, when i am too busy for him.. i will sleep less, seek more, exercise same~ LOL!

Tkd demo, still haven't finish practising..

OR, still haven't completed the land,

Feelings, although i have let go, feelings have not faded.. wonder why.. but will not dwell on it after this 1 min.. woots~

concerned for Dennis~ pray pray~

concerned for Cyril~ Pray Pray~

Thinking of my body~ pray pray~

Man By Choice

2009-11-26T16:32:00.000-08:00

The decision to be a man.. Many forget to make that decision before they say that they are..

Many say that they are, when they are not..

Many see themselves as 1 when they do not really know what it really is..

Yesterday, what Sharlene said seriously shook me.. It made me think.. What have i been doing? Why have I been letting stupid feelings get control of me? Shouldn't He be in control?

Devoted..

Why am i Devoted to other people instead of him? Is there a need?

Why am i trying to open my eyes when all i need is faith? No need for my own sight in this run.. This marathon will last for as long as it gets.. And there is onli one true way.. Not one that we can see.. It will only open if we let our faith guide us..

Farewell party~

2009-11-19T18:31:00.000-08:00

haha.. yesterday was North A farewell.. no photos from me.. my phone not for photos~ xD

Two is better than one..

I remember what you wore on the first day
You came into my life and I thought
"Hey, you know, this could be something"
'Cause everything you do and words you say
You know that it all takes my breath away
And now I'm left with nothing

So maybe it's true
That I can't live without you
And maybe two is better than one
There's so much time
To figure out the rest of my life
And you've already got me coming undone
And I'm thinking two is better than one

I remember every look upon your face
The way you roll your eyes
The way you taste
You make it hard for breathing
'Cause when I close my eyes and drift away
I think of you and everything's okay
I'm finally now believing

That maybe it's true
That I can't live without you
And maybe two is better than one
There's so much time
To figure out the rest of my life
And you've already got me coming undone
And I'm thinking two is better than one

I remember what you wore on the first day
You came into my life and I thought, "Hey,"

Maybe it's true
That I can't live without you
Maybe two is better than one
There's so much time
To figure out the rest of my life
And you've already got me coming undone
And I'm thinking
I can't live without you
'Cause, baby, two is better than one
There's so much time
To figure out the rest of my life
But I'll figure it out
When all is said and done
Two is better than one
Two is better than one

Haha~ this song is nice alrights? xD

sorry guys yesterday for giving the sian face, coz my feet is wet and i very disturbed by that.. my shoes were killing me.. haha..

the food were ok~ think that its quite nice.. xD although very little and the sotong and prawn onli last part then we find.. HAHA! dunno who brought it back, but JY!!

hmm.. later going swensens eat~ xD

Heard from Brandon that he ran 15km.. somehow i feel very inferior suddenly.. haha.. i know i should not feel that way.. but i think i want go run liao~ haha.. i so weak lerh..

gonna run, and swim often!! xD try my best..

Prom night~

2009-11-18T16:31:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was prom night 2009..

Well.. starting was obviously super sian~ coz a lot of prize presentation and tributes which are kind of boring~ haha! Sorry organising committee~ xD

then when they open up the dance floor, woots, i run out eat xD

The disco sessions were super great, although all my close friends very conservative and think i am crazy~ HAHA! but prom night supposed to have fun derh, although my dance partner could not make it at the last min, it's ok ba.. i dance finish lerh whole shirt all wet.. coz i jump like a kangaroo~ xD

Then, lucky draw i win~ Swensens $10 voucher! xD Brandy, XY and I actually planning to go Swensens to eat ice cream buffet~ xD

I over there jump up when I heard my number! haha.. then i cannot find my ticket then lucky Yankae found it on the floor for me! HAHA THANK GOD!! Love Yan Kae loads man~ My Gay Partner~ First 1 somemore! xD ok.. cannot disturb him lerh~

photo from racial harmony day this year~ So long ago.. haha! The flower guys~ from left to right

Guy in beige: Jia Jun!
Horny, Pervert, straightforward, easily excited great friend! xD Dun so horny lerh! pimples will pop out more~

Guy in White and white: Me~
Great Guy~

Guy in Grey and white shirt: Wesley
Haha~ LeProGuy~ will miss your nonsense and disturbing of others.. heh.. your the only person in class that i willing to share my personal troubles with.. haha.. although you nv really give advice, but i know that you are here for me even when i am in times of trouble, haha.. You always say that you are of very little value in the class~ but well, to me, you have the highest value! xD Although you going off Indonesia~ You may say that i will not miss you.. I did not say anything coz i myself do not know.. You say that you are of the lowest value, but it is only true when you admit it.. Haha.. I remember you always telling me.. Be a good gamer, and well, i always fail to manage my temper while playing Dota with you guys.. HAHA But, i will still try.. Dunno if your gonna come back from Indonesia, but you will forever be my treasured friend.. You are the one who taught me how to play badminton, you were the one who encouraged me to play and get a racquet, you are the one who helped me win the interhouse badminton! You are the one who taught me proper manners in fine dining, got me a new racquet for my birthday after i lost mine, and last but not least, told me that i am not alone in the class.. You seriously touched me with everything you did, and my life will not be the same without you.

Guy in Green: Ding Yang
Yoyo~ we had a bad start in knowing each other huh? i still remember you kinda despised me last time, and also kinda dun like me outreaching in class.. haha! yeap, gonna miss your sarcasm and remember to play badminton alright~ xD

Guy in Black and White: Yan Kae
Gay Partner~ xD Haha~ i know you kinda hate my sarcasm, and me touching you~ xD but haha.. will seriously miss you.. You are the soft hearted guy who always never fail to be a good friend.. i will really miss you.. always giving me chance in singles, always acting cute online, and well.. i will never forget you..

Guy in White and Black: Jun Hao
Yoyo~ i know you kinda scared of me after i shared with you how God fearing I am, but well, i pray that you will come to fear the same God as me.. i still remember you were always sitting with me after recess, and always being there.. haha.. i remember the funny way you move, and Jy for your future endeavours~

I have to get my being right

2009-11-17T21:33:00.000-08:00

Hmm.. yesterday kenna sunburned.. today have prom night.. great..

yong qing~ u sleep without discussing games!!! how?? i think i do it myself lerh ba..

I think i need to get my being right first.. i seriously find so many flaws in my character.. and God, i know ur telling me to change.. i get angry at my friends when i play a game.. yep.. thx jian hao for telling me reminding me that, getting angry wont do anything in the end.. and we have to be still mindful of God even when i play..

Thanks brandon for reminding me to be accountable.. and thank you God for giving me the courage to account.. haha.. i seriously feel so much more in control of my situation after i have accounted..

Yesterday, went to dance practice at 8.30.. they 9.30 then start.. and they paired me up with wee chin.. hmm.. i really dunno.. i felt very confused.. i very discontented with what they did, and i did the most stupid thing.. Leave.. Seriously Glenn!! what you thinking? even though they pair u up with a person nobody in her class wants? why did you do that? is that the best decision you could make? Run away from the problem? i have to wake up my idea.. i should have told them nicely that i did not want to do so.. instead of just walking off in anger.. God.. this is really what kind of problems in my character that i really need to change.. i always make wrong decisions

the previous time i made a wrong decision caused so much trouble.. and obviously, Bridget was right.. I was not thinking with my brains.. i did not put u in mind when i did all those.. I am so sorry.. I am coming back to you.. Lord, change me for the better.. I no longer want to be the insensitive, self-centered and bad tempered person i used to be.. I want to share your love with the people..

i remember i told brandon once that my reason to outreach was to share the joy i found in God.. Yes! i have a lot of joy in God.. God made me happy when i am covering my face in sadness.. God lifted my hands, got me up and wiped away my tears.. God stopped me from making many mistakes in my life.. God gave me happiness and teachings that i will never forget.. thats why i want others to experience this as well..

God.. i commit everything to you..

O.o?

2009-11-15T05:46:00.000-08:00

hehe~ today taekwondo.. go back with bad flexibility.. go kenna pushed.. haha.. understand that i no longer of any high standard~ but haha.. still gonna try my best for CCA Orientation Demo xD hmm..

Kam Gong Poomsae.. LOL! nv learn before.. better try hard hard~ dun mess up.. heh..

the world in me is eating me up~ gotta kick it out~ it's gonna leave me as an empty shell filled with despair, without God.. Gotta kick it out~ haha.. Glenn~ jia you~ dun give in..

Dun let the world control you.. heh.. gonna kick it out~ its going away~ haha.. Glenn can do it! xD

sian this thursday have to go take NYAA.. still remember all the crap that i did just i get it.. now i dun really want it that much..

North F1

2009-11-14T08:30:00.000-08:00

I join racing lerh~ F1 xD.. hmm.. i hereby declare.. i am gonna stop playing Dota with my classmates unless it is a special occasion.. Seriously i get angry while playing almost every single time..

super bad for my temper, and image of a Christian.. I feel extremely terrible each time i play with them.. I get angry, I get frustrated, and the worst thing is they shoot me saying things about God when i feel irritated.. Yep.. That irritated me a lot..

I dunno.. seems like to them, God is something that they can use to shoot me.. Is that so? God is everything to me.. You shoot God, shows how much u respect me as a friend too..

haha.. i sound so emo.. heh.. i not emo.. just thinking how i will react if one day my classmates start saying.. "Glenn.. So God teach u to be so hot-tempered when playing game? God teach you to get frustrated easily? God teach you to be so negative when we are losing?" i seriously dunno how angry i will get..

i declare i am not gonna play with them when it's an off the counter match.. I should not torture myself this way.. haha.. i feel so tired of getting angry.. God.. let me get angry only for things that anger you, and not for selfish reasons..

I guess i need to grow.. Restructured.. New CG members.. New leader.. New Sheep, New Shepherd.. everything feels very new.. but i feeling sick recently.. haha.. getting tired very easily..

is smth goin wrong? Bridget.. you promised u gonna talk to me.. then nv in the end.. I wanted to say everything.. haha.. needed you to lend a listening ear.. It's very tiring to keep things away from myself..

i have to stop holding on to stupid wishes.. haha.. God, Change Me~ Give me strength to resist temptations~

The IDK Convo~

2009-11-10T09:22:00.000-08:00

CareRoLine says:
idk
hahaha
{Zenite]‡‡Zeta‡‡--Glenn says:
lets now talk about IDK
CareRoLine says:
hahaha
{Zenite]‡‡Zeta‡‡--Glenn says:
IDK is a very stupid guy..
CareRoLine says:
haha
{Zenite]‡‡Zeta‡‡--Glenn says:
He likes to reply people with IDK
CareRoLine says:
guy meh i tot girl
hahaha
{Zenite]‡‡Zeta‡‡--Glenn says:
then for his school homework,
All he wrote for each question was..
u guess?
xD
CareRoLine says:
idk
hahahaha
{Zenite]‡‡Zeta‡‡--Glenn says:
CORRECT!
see?
u not so dumb..
CareRoLine says:
hahhaha
{Zenite]‡‡Zeta‡‡--Glenn says:
yep..
CareRoLine says:
YAY
hahaha
{Zenite]‡‡Zeta‡‡--Glenn says:
all he wrote was IDK..
well..
CareRoLine says:
his name oso
{Zenite]‡‡Zeta‡‡--Glenn says:
and his teacher asked him..
IDK, ar IDK.. whats wrong with you, i oso IDK...
HAHA!
CareRoLine says:
hahahaha
funny
{Zenite]‡‡Zeta‡‡--Glenn says:
story haven't finish~
CareRoLine says:
today bedtime story
lawls
{Zenite]‡‡Zeta‡‡--Glenn says:
but IDK how to continue
haix..
CareRoLine says:
hahaha
{Zenite]‡‡Zeta‡‡--Glenn says:
u try continue?
xD
CareRoLine says:
i oso dk
haha
{Zenite]‡‡Zeta‡‡--Glenn says:
hmm
then IDK asked his parents..
why you give me this name IDK?
His parents were stunned.. coz they oso dun really know..
Then *flashback*
xD
CareRoLine says:
hahahha
{Zenite]‡‡Zeta‡‡--Glenn says:
During birth, the nurse ask IDK's parents..
whats the name gonna be?
both said IDK..
coz they totally dumb..
CareRoLine says:
hahaha
{Zenite]‡‡Zeta‡‡--Glenn says:
The nurse took it for real,
coz she oso dumb..
CareRoLine says:
ai yo
{Zenite]‡‡Zeta‡‡--Glenn says:
thats why IDK is called IDK
HAHAHA!
CareRoLine says:
tis story th people all dumb de
{Zenite]‡‡Zeta‡‡--Glenn says:
yep
xD

CareRoLine says:
haahahha
sad for them
{Zenite]‡‡Zeta‡‡--Glenn says:
dumb people should sleep early~
CareRoLine says:
im not so i should not
hahahha
{Zenite]‡‡Zeta‡‡--Glenn says:
ur naturally dumb~
CareRoLine says:
no
hahaha
{Zenite]‡‡Zeta‡‡--Glenn says:
u admit it yourself with your display picture..
CareRoLine says:
hahaha
i change lor
{Zenite]‡‡Zeta‡‡--Glenn says:
eee
thats so sian..
CareRoLine says:
bleah
{Zenite]‡‡Zeta‡‡--Glenn says:
eye pain..
CareRoLine says:
nvm i lyk tis more
{Zenite]‡‡Zeta‡‡--Glenn says:
yea
coz u really are..
CareRoLine says:
idk
hahaha
{Zenite]‡‡Zeta‡‡--Glenn says:
oh yea..
lets continue story..
IDK finally understood why his name was so..
Then he went around his school telling his friends the story..
CareRoLine says:
hahaha
{Zenite]‡‡Zeta‡‡--Glenn says:
but he realised something
you guess?
xD
CareRoLine says:
idk
hahaha
{Zenite]‡‡Zeta‡‡--Glenn says:
He realised dunno his friends
CareRoLine says:
huh
{Zenite]‡‡Zeta‡‡--Glenn says:
coz people think he very dao..
CareRoLine says:
hahaha
{Zenite]‡‡Zeta‡‡--Glenn says:
when people ask for his name,
he say.. IDK
CareRoLine says:
hahaha
{Zenite]‡‡Zeta‡‡--Glenn says:
then people think he anti social..
so he no friends~
CareRoLine says:
sad
so lonely
{Zenite]‡‡Zeta‡‡--Glenn says:
poor IDK nv had any friends..
One day, he went to hope church! xD
CareRoLine says:
yaya
{Zenite]‡‡Zeta‡‡--Glenn says:
hmm..
CareRoLine says:
yay *
{Zenite]‡‡Zeta‡‡--Glenn says:
sidetrack abit..
CareRoLine says:
hahaha
{Zenite]‡‡Zeta‡‡--Glenn says:
maybe i can post this on my blog
xD
CareRoLine says:
hahaha
i wan to post th conversation
funny
{Zenite]‡‡Zeta‡‡--Glenn says:
At hope church,
many people thought IDK very dao derh..
why? because i already told you..
CareRoLine says:
idk
{Zenite]‡‡Zeta‡‡--Glenn says:
so.. his caregroup members accepted him for who he is..
and one day God spoke into his life,
and well.. now he is a very cool, hip and nice guy
xD
he got baptised,
changed his name to NIK
CareRoLine says:
hahaha
{Zenite]‡‡Zeta‡‡--Glenn says:
what is NIK?
CareRoLine says:
idk
{Zenite]‡‡Zeta‡‡--Glenn says:
Nick?
Nicholas?
CareRoLine says:
now i know ?
hahaha
{Zenite]‡‡Zeta‡‡--Glenn says:
YES!
CareRoLine says:
hahaha
{Zenite]‡‡Zeta‡‡--Glenn says:
wa u so smart
HAHAHA!
CareRoLine says:
HAHAHA
{Zenite]‡‡Zeta‡‡--Glenn says:
hahaha
the end~

Woots weird convo aye? xD

2009-11-09T17:55:00.000-08:00

YoYo~ Back to this dead blog~ xD

i was too afraid and that was why i had to let go.. This fear will only destroy me..

sorry if you think that i was lying to you.. No.. I was not.. The decision was not easy to make..

~ xD

2009-11-08T16:44:00.000-08:00

Letting go is never easy.. haha..

when will i stop feeling this way? i don't know..

When i started feeling this way? i don't care..

all i know now is i want this feeling to go away~ xD

God, you told me to do this.. Thank you for helping me make this decision so much easier.. If you did not tell me so, i guess i will be clinging on like a crazed man.. haha..

I dunno what will happen, but i am secure in your hands, and i know you have a better plan for me..

hmm.. it's no longer about me, but it's about you..

i wanna let it go, you oso dun care~ shows a lot.. What i was fearing really happened.. I was only there to slow you down.. Nothing i do will ever change the fact that it was gonna happen.. what i did yesterday only shortened our suffering and brought what was inevitable closer..

Hold me in your arms

2009-11-04T16:05:00.000-08:00

Heart Of Worship
When the music fades
And all is stripped away
And I simply come
Longing just to bring
Something that's of worth
That will bless your heart

I'll bring You more than a song
For a song in itself
Is not what You have required
You search much deeper within
Through the ways things appear
You're looking into my heart

I'm coming back to the heart of worship
And it's all about You
All about You, Jesus
I'm sorry Lord for the thing I've made it
When it's all about You
It's all about You Jesus

King of endless worth
No one could express
How much You deserve
Though I'm weak and poor
All I have is Yours
Every single breath

I'll bring You more than just a song
For a song in itself
Is not what You have required
You search much deeper within
Through the way things appear
You're looking into my heart

I'm coming back to the heart of worship
And it's all about You
All about You, Jesus
I'm sorry Lord for the thing I've made it
When it's all about You
It's all about You Jesus

Its all about you
Jesus

*************

Hold me in your everlasting arms.. Lord.. Many times feelings may have failed.. And i know you are holding me in your ever strong arms lord.. i know the pain of someone leaving your arms.. the harder you hold on to, the faster the person slips away.. I know the heart break it will cause and Father.. i truly want to say sorry for those many times that i have left your embracing arms and spit at your face..

So much i have done.. but you are still opening your arms wide for me.. No matter who may slip through, you are always here for us to come back.. like a child who throws a tantrum, runs away, and comes back at the end of the day, knowing you are their only solution.. And lord.. I truly declare that you are my only solution for whatever problems it may be.. It may be a broken heart, it may be an empty hole someone leaves in my heart when she leaves..

I know how terrible it feels and i truly fear it all.. everything feels so familiar.. its like living back in the past.. I really want to have faith.. I really want to trust.. I feel so insecure.. I have made the decision.. and i will live through with it.. No matter how insecure i may be.. there may be times when i have to let go.. and i know that clinging on will never be the answer..

I feel so scared.. haha.. but i have accepted this with an accepting heart.. i may not be one who is willing to give everything i have for this, and i am very imperfect~ but no matter what the decision is, i will support it..

Consume me Lord..

2009-11-02T01:44:00.000-08:00

Inside Out

A thousand times I've failed
Still your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
Still I'm caught in your grace

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
my heart and my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out

Your will above all else, my purpose remains
The art of losing myself in bringing you praise

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
In my heart, in my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out

Father, i commit my life to you now.. All that I have now, was given to me by you.. you have become poor for me.. I may be sickly right now, but i know that you will continue to provide me with the everlasting strength only you can provide.. I may be weak, I may be tempted, but lord, do not let me lose faith in you.. Consume me lord..

Your light shines the brightest in my life.. No matter what others may say about me, I know that you will continue to lead me in the right direction.. No matter how weak i may be right now, my soul continues to cry out for you.. Only you can truly provide me with everything that i will ever need..

When faith steps in, logic no longer makes sense.. and anything is possible for him who believes.. Lord, continue to hold me in your strong arms.. I know that you will not forsake me.. Be my rock.. The support that i hold on to clinging onto my dear life..

Many people may fail, even i may fail myself.. but i know that you will never fail me.. Only you are everlasting.. Lord.. I commit my everything into your hands now.. Put me in the right direction and do not let me fall..

Super sick

2009-10-30T04:17:00.001-07:00

O.o? Falling more and more sick by the minute having cough, Green Phlegm and bocked nose..

haix.. exams so far pretty no problems.. haha~ think some people will hate me..

hmm.. gotta work so hard~ hard till my head goes numb..

Hmm.. i should stop offending people unknowingly..

Recently no mood study.. haha.. prepare fail rest of my papers lerh..

Rashes..

2009-10-28T19:20:00.000-07:00

have rashes on hands and feets.. parents and friends say is caused by sweat.. hmm.. very itchy.. haha.. Today A math paper.. die.. haha.. must stay alert.. xD GLENN JIA YOU!!

The Angels' and Devils' Feast

2009-10-21T05:56:00.000-07:00

Heard this very cool story.. It is about the Angels in Heaven having a feast, and the Devils in Hell having a feast as well.. The food is the same at both place, and well.. Something was unique.. They had to use 1m long chopsticks.. WOW.. haha.. But in Heaven, the Angels were joyful and enjoyed the feast very much.. But in Hell, the Devils were sad and gloomy.. hmm.. why?

Ans: Because in Heaven, the Angels helped each other by feeding one another.. and all could eat to their hearts content.. but in Hell, the Devils only cared about themselves, and only tried to feed their own hunger.. and they suffered under the 1m long chopsticks..

haha.. cool story on loving others, and you will recieve as well.. xD

Hmm.. today.. i guess i also realised.. i play game the time very offensive.. heh.. yep.. i really wanna change.. God!! help me change ok?!

Secured

2009-10-18T17:55:00.000-07:00

Haha.. yesterday was water baptism.. was feeling kinda sad over things that has happened.. and mixed with hunger and feeling sick, wow.. could not help but feel very distracted.. heh..

hmm.. was sick but luckily is only common cold.. THANK GOD!

but now still feel the hurt in my throat.. deep down.. have a heavy feeling.. haha.. but nevermind.. Pray that it will become better..

I feel so secured in God all of the sudden.. heh.. God hold me in your arms and Never Let Me Go!! xD It feels so great to have joined this family of God, for it has changed me so much..

I still remember the things that i would do.. and the things i had done.. it all sounds so wrong to me right now, and somehow i wish i could go back in time to change how i was..

I have been a real jerk to many people before, and obviously my comments tend to hurt many people.. but now, God is my personal leader and saviour.. i will live to carry his name up high!! (hopefully my class peeps dun think i sound like PuYu) haha..

I may still be flawed where it comes to my temper, and irritability, but i know that God will one day change the way i am, to be a better person and how he has created me to be..

I still remember the day Gideon prophecy for me during water baptism..

yep.. i remember it quite well.. it is about being secure in God, do great works for him, not fall down in my walk with him, and be ever so strong in his words.. xD this is only part of what i remembered.. and of coz, it is much longer than just this..

1819 days left

2009-10-14T05:33:00.001-07:00

hmm.. 1819 days left.. it seems like so long later.. i wonder if it is worth the wait..

i have so many doubts right now.. but i know that i can always be secure in God..

will that day come? will i be patient enough for it? will there still be a reason to wait for that day to come? haix..

will i give up waiting?? i surely hope not.. hmm.. really need renewal.. i feel very sad when people around me are sad.. it feels very terrible.. and well.. i really pray that God will strengthen me to not lose heart..

5 years

2009-10-07T06:26:00.000-07:00

5 years.. hmm.. thats very long..

5 years time, i will finish NS

5 years time, i will grow at least 1cm taller

5 years time, many things will happen..

But in 5 years time, my promise will never be forgotten..

Today's date is 7 October 2009! xD

5 years later, it will be 7 October 2014!

wonder how i will look like..

how much will i change?

haha.. birthday coming in 21 days!!.. heh..

hmm.. recently studying very little.. but still gonna work hard.. heh.. Shine for God!!

tomorrow A math and Biology.. hmm.. power and tough papers.. jia you jia you!! 16 more days to O lvls.. heh..

hmm.. i shall not add on lerh.. haha.. BYE!!

Woots.. Burger King

2009-10-05T06:01:00.000-07:00

haha.. i have come to a conclusion.. burger king is not a conducive place for me to study.. haha.. i seriously cannot concentrate.. or maybe i am, and i dun think i am..

but after meeting Nat and Brand, i go there study.. very happy.. xD

hmm.. my panda eyes coming out lerh.. Dumbo oso becoming PandaO.. oso black eyes.. haha.. i dun want black eyes.. GO AWAY!! xD

hmm.. Thank God for everything you have done for me..

haha.. Nat and Brand have green beans to plant :D

i now super random..

tomorrow going running.. pray it won't rain.. so that can run properly.. xD

?? New blogskin

2009-09-28T07:34:00.000-07:00

New blogskin xD haha.. like it.. heh..

many question marks in my head.. but well i believe it will be cleared.. haha..

hmm.. today is Amath mock.. first 2 questions totally dunno how to do.. haha.. dun understand the question.. other than that quite simple.. Biology paper.. finish in 1 hour, sleep half an hour.. xD Got my class tee and jacket lerh.. ok larh.. should keep the comments to myself since i not involved in making it.. but the jacket not bad xD

went Bk meet Nat.. do some homework.. then go home play badminton!! xD.. i think my shoulder something wrong.. maybe i too tired lerh ba..

hmm.. tomorrow have geography.. haven't study.. like i ever do.. lol.. really need to buck up!! Jia You!! xD In God i am secure..

Dumb

2009-09-26T09:47:00.000-07:00

dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb

Why am i so dumb? haix.. i feel so messy again.. why? God, mend my heart..

Tired eyes, testing minds..

2009-09-23T06:12:00.000-07:00

hmm.. mocks all the way lerh ba.. tomorrow i think is biology.. haha.. gonna study later.. i hope..

kenna forced to post this.. but well.. was planning to do so anyway.. haha, so.. life's been tiring.. God's been giving me a lot lately.. My seed of faithfulness grow quite big lerh.. although it was cracked at first, it still grew.. it is not one that will stop growing even though handicapped, but grow stronger instead..

i did not know that 3 small green beans can be so inspiring.. All were cracked, and now, all are growing.. shows how much God can change our lives.. we from the very pits, are slowly growing up and out of it.. so lets continue growing!!! O lvls are coming, sent my awe-inspiring encouragement sms to some classmates, as usual, no replies.. haix.. daoster class.. haha jk..

hmm.. everytime go BK is help people with their homework.. hard to get people to help me with mine.. haha.. but i really enjoy helping them.. i always feel good helping people.. haha..

Breakthrough today.. I am a person with very bad temper.. and bear grudges.. haha.. and very proud of my nv late for school record.. but today, haix.. stomach pain go toilet, miss assembly.. monitor mark me late.. at first really bursting.. haha.. but somehow, God spoke to me.. Matthew 5:43-48.. main point is to love our enemy.. haha.. very useful verse for me.. it has helped me many times before.. haha.. Thank God

hmm.. guess i gonna stop and play game lerh xP haha.. very tired..

Random~

2009-09-16T07:39:00.001-07:00

kumar Drag queen... very nice video.. very wrong, but laughed like mad.. haha

seems like my blog onli 1 person that follows everyday.. so loyal.. and CREEPY as well.. haha.. must be a stalker.. xP

everyone thinks that i do not update anymore.. haha.. coz i left it dead for so long!.. so, i guess i am gonna leave it as it is.. xD entertain the crazy stalker.. heh..

Obsession on turtles

2009-09-14T05:02:00.000-07:00

Go turtles! xD i am going crazy on turtles.. haha.. they are just so cute.. if there is ever a Hello Turtle, i think i will go crazy! haha.. my mind very clouded these past 2 days.. coz of something i will not regret doing.. haha.. if it was last time, i would not have the courage to do so.. and i would have accepted it whole heartedly.. but now, things are different.. i do not know by how many percent, but i know i have changed a lot.. God has made a 180 degree turn in many parts of my life.. no more fooling around.. although there is still a trace of sadness leaking out of my heart, God will forever be sitting on the throne of my heart..

I am very encouraged by the growth in my group.. haha.. encouraging words, counted blessings, and willing hearts.. somehow, i think God has a part in this, and i'd like to thank God.. xD

Wu Gui!

2009-09-13T05:32:00.000-07:00

turtle turtle turtle turtle turtle turtle turtle turtle turtle turtle turtle turtle turtle turtle turtle turtle turtle turtle turtle turtle turtle turtle turtle turtle turtle turtle turtle turtle turtle turtle turtle turtle turtle turtle turtle turtle turtle turtle turtle turtle turtle turtle turtle turtle turtle turtle turtle turtle turtle turtle turtle turtle turtle turtle turtle turtle turtle turtle turtle turtle turtle turtle turtle turtle turtle turtle turtle turtle turtle turtle turtle turtle turtle turtle turtle turtle turtle turtle turtle turtle!!!

xD

i love turtles.. coz they are so green.. xD and their shells are so cute... haha.. GO TURTLES!

i feel so random.. turtles rock! xP

Promises..

2009-09-06T02:00:00.000-07:00

Hmm.. today, went to Toa Payoh CC to help out with the Taekwondo, since almost all the black belts are out.. haha.. very little people came.. all go holiday.. then 2nd class onli have 4 people.. very pathetic.. haha.. third class, there is this young boy called Chesron.. he has a very innocent face.. and he is very enthusiastic in learning Taekwondo.. His sister stopped learning becoz she learning piano..

so.. hmm.. he told me he gonna stop too, coz he thinks that it is very long before he can get a black belt.. haha.. and of coz, me being such a nice guy.. told him.. he going to reach black belt lerh.. just about 1 more year.. haha.. if he train hard, i will train him personally.. haha..

then he was very happy.. haha.. then i promised him i gonna teach him next week.. on impulse.. haix.. i dun usually go back derh.. so.. next week gonna go down.. haha.. must fulfil my promise.. xD

Wish List 2009! xD

2009-08-03T06:28:00.000-07:00

Every year, i will have a wishlist.. no matter if any one reads it or not.. it is for my own reference xP..

some of my previous ones still remain.. i think..

1)Adidas urban belt $35
2)Adidas Running shorts $45
3)Adidas waistbelt(designed, not the plain one with onli the logo) $35
4)Adidas running shoe with bounce tech (white & red) $154
5)Yonex Ultima blue(recommended by Wesley xD)/ B-series grey.. $74/$30 (big difference huh? xD)
6)Adidas Shoe Bag.. (must be nice design derh) (saw at northpoint sportslink.. go back see next time)
7)Adidas anti-blister socks $19 for 2 pairs..
8)Adidas running shirt! $45(red&black/orange&black)

haha.. so many things.. wont get any of this derh bah.. guess it will be like this until i go out work, get my own money to buy.. haha..
lol.. it will be almost impossible to get all of it.. so many, and so expensive.. parents will kill me if i really got all those.. haha..

I should stop this

2009-07-31T05:37:00.000-07:00

I have to stop acting like a child.. just because i lost something precious to me, it does not give me the right to act this way..

I am not the only one that feels terrible.. my friends are also worried for me.. sorry..

i should not let this affect me anymore.. i should let it be, as it is already over..

what is wrong..

2009-07-30T06:32:00.001-07:00

Hmm.. i was in a very great mood in the morning until i noticed that my badminton racket is gone..

it felt like my world fell apart.. i had many thoughts going through my head..

i play badminton so badly.. lose to anyone that i play with.. might as well just stop playing liao since i dun have a proper racket liao..

It is lost.. gone.. the item that I used almost half of my savings just to buy, and took a month just to make up my mind to..

Me losing something.. that just shows how irresponsible that I am.. and somehow, i keep having this thought that all is lost..

although they talked about finding it, it is almost impossible.. it can be anywhere.. no one knows where it is.. then 2nd choice was to all chip in to get a new one.. thing is that the loss is there lerh.. getting a new one will never relieve the pain that i am feeling now..

it is as good as my right hand.. without it, i cannot even play.. so.. it is as good as a sign to tell me, stop playing..

somehow, it felt like.. AAAARGH! its gone!! AAAARGH! worse day ever!!!

felt very terrible.. dunno what will cheer me up liao.. feel tired all the way lerh.. seriously lose my mood to do anything at all..

Hmm..

2009-07-20T06:22:00.000-07:00

i have finished up to John 13 in the bible.. heh.. quite a lot of the things that i noticed, is that testimony is what proves that God is real.. and well.. i truly believe that he is real.. he is there to do great things..

Got 1 day, i woke up at 6.55 for school.. i usually wake up at 6.. then i somehow knew that i late lerh..

so.. i prayed.. that i will be able to reach in time.. and somehow, miraculously.. i was not late.. Hallelujah! haha.. recently not concentrating on my studies.. zzz.. lose a lot of motivation to study.. i want improve badminton, running, and basketball.. and so busy.. how to practice at all? haha.. gotta find time ba.. heh..

John 1-3

2009-07-14T06:34:00.000-07:00

heh.. gonna post about what i learnt.. in john 2, the lamb of god saw Nathanel.. he saw that he not the same as the others.. he seeks for the lord.. therefore, he was taken in as a disciple..

so.. we should truly seek him.. first time i read the bible with the heart to do so.. 3 chapters.. haha..

Most important verse i took note of..

John 3:6
Flesh is born from flesh, spirit is born from The Spirit.

we are born from our parents.. but to be filled with spiritual oil, we should seek for people that has the spirit to spread his/hers.. so, it is something about evangelizing.. we should first be filled with the spirit, before we try to spread the word..

Today

2009-07-13T06:44:00.000-07:00

Heiyo.. today.. Amath paper 2.. at first was thinking that it was gonna be easy.. but.. guess what? total disaster.. finished, without finishing.. haix.. lunched in school.. go BK.. walking there.. nv see the floor so slippery.. dunno whats going on in my mind.. and well.. at first was thinking that it was some kind of soap.. when my hand suddenly felt like it was burning..

First thought.. Kerosene, since there was a can that seems like a kerosene can right next to me..
Second thought.. Crap it's burning so painfully.. gotta wash it off..

stand up, almost slipped again.. wa.. lucky.. Thank God..

walked to the nearest toilet.. guess what.. "Cleaning in Progress"
AAARGH!! lol.. thats the third thought.. but i dun care, just went in to wash..

come out.. it still burns.. so went to the person washing it.. i ask them what is the thing.. they say is some chemical, then offered to wash my hand for me.. Wow.. thx for telling me now.. wash lerh go back BK.. all the sisters all very curious about it.. lol.. brothers, thx for all the concern..

haix.. now.. my hand feels uber wierd.. has the burnt feeling.. well.. really wanna thank jiajun and brandon, for getting me the pain cream.. although it is for muscle aches.. it is the thought that counts.. thx so much.. heh..

Thoughts..

2009-07-07T23:56:00.000-07:00

hmm.. recently having these thoughts..

I need to conquer this demon within me.. it is my biggest enemy, and my biggest enemy.. some say that our biggest enemy, is ourselves, and i truly believe in that.. I need the strength to fight back this enemy within me, and resist the temptations that is pulling me away from you..

I love to run, but my knee is suffering with pains everytime i run.. i do not know what to do.. do i have to stop? do i have to do something? please show me the way to do what i must.. give me strength to move on and not give up..

I have many hard decisions that i needed to make, but i always avoid it.. i cannot keep up with this anymore.. i need to see the way clearly.. please light my path.. i do not want to walk down a road where i cannot see anything.. i want to walk down a path where everything is crystal clear to me, and is not an illusion..

i really hope that he will forgive me.. i know that i went overboard last time.. now i am paying for my wrong doings.. i make mistake.. and i really feel very bad that you are avoiding me.. please... GAY PARTNER!!

BloG!!

2009-06-25T05:40:00.000-07:00

Blogging for someone who asked me to.. heh..

yesterday sir called me at night just to get me to help on today's taekwondo session since he is going to be late.. today morning taking mrt recieve call telling me taekwondo cancelled.. irritating right?

nvm.. so go there, disturb some sec2s writing POP review.. heh.. disturb them all the way to MRT station.. but at least i helped them.. xD or not they would be so lost..
Garfield make them do work.. garfield cannot be lazy!!

finish lerh.. go BK meet CareGroup.. I LOVE NA3!!! xD xD xD

eat lunch at northpoint food court.. ordered laksa.. feel super cheated.. 3.50, taste normal, less than 2.50 bowl in coffee shop.. zzz.. haix.. as i am a big eater, i got another plate of vegetarian bee hoon.. lol.. taste horrible.. zzz i hate northpoint food court..

went AMK, watch Transformers!! very nice.. and well.. has some flaws, but still not a bad movie to catch ba.. haha.. RECOMMENDED!

erm.. holidays are here!! xD

2009-06-13T05:14:00.000-07:00

extended programme finally over, almost suffocate to death when i open my big bag of homework..

it is piled up to my ears, and well.. i dun think i can finish it.. almost break down mentally in class.. physics teacher gets a student from other class to push in boxes of homework.. A&E math teacher gets 2 students 2 carry 6 stacks of math school prelim papers.. and i really dying lerh.. lol.. then chemistry gives 1 sheet of worksheet.. that one is last holiday present.. lol

but even with all those homework, mr lee still gives a final present..

examination terms and tips.. xD then he screen a slide, showing manchester united's theme song, and.. well it's something like.. even when we are in the storm, something like that ba..

well.. and something like we will never walk alone in this time of hardship or smth.. well i am just about to cut and paste everything SamuelPoon's(class joker, sick fella who cannot get enough of Inner Circle's Sweat, and Ms Kaur's supposedly favourite student..) post at class blog,

Alright, I know you've all been waiting for this. SPAM Weekly, the week of terror.

Guys and girls, remember these?

[Photo]Look, the box is bursting open from all the work.

And this? One whole trolley of work?

[Photo]
And ALL THESE? Physics + Mathematics?

[Photo]
Right, you can foresee your holidays. Now I'm going to begin on the longest SPAM post up till now. The most important part of this post.

4H'09 June Holiday Homework (in no order of importance...) :

Additional Mathematics:
1. Catholic High School Preliminary 2008 - Paper 1 & Paper 2
2. Chung Cheng High School (Main) Mid-Year Examination 2008 - Paper 1 & Paper 2
3. Zhonghua Secondary School Preliminary 2008 - Paper 1 & Paper 2
4. Ahmad Ibrahim Secondary School Preliminary 2008 - Paper 1 & Paper 2
5. Anderson Secondary School 2009 Semester Assessment 1
6. Ang Mo Kio Secondary School Preliminary 2008 - Paper 1 & Paper 2

Elementary Mathematics:
7. Travel Graphs
8. Symmetrical Properties of a Circle
9. Nan Hua High School Preliminary 2008 - Paper 2
10. Fairfield Methodist Secondary School Preliminary 2008 - Paper 2
11. Presbyterian High School Preliminary 2008 - Paper 1 & Paper 2
12. Gan Eng Seng Secondary School Preliminary 2008 - Paper 1 & Paper 2

Physics:
13. Pei Cai Secondary School Preliminary 2005 - Paper 1 & Paper 2
14. Nan Chiau Secondary School - Paper 1 & Paper 2
15. Anglo-Chinese School (Independant) - Paper 1 & Paper 2
16. Singapore Chinese Girls School Preliminary 2006 - Paper 2

Chemistry:
17. Atomic Structure & Chemical Bonding Worksheet
18. Acids, Bases and Salts Worksheet (If you have not completed, especially the Salt part)
19. Revise Organic Chemistry for Week 4 (22 June 2009)

Higher Chinese:
20. Higher Chinese Assessment Book - WHOLE BOOK

So, there you go. That's what I have on hand and what I remember, I might have missed out on a bit. Anybody who remembers can edit this post to add in.

Yes, it is some hard times right now. Papers, work, stress and all, but being stressed up does nothing to help lighten the workload. Why not just stay happy and face it optimistically?

And remember this, In rain or sunshine, in darkness or brightness, YOU'LL NEVER WALK ALONE. We have all our supportive teachers pushing us so hard at the expense of themselves, work hard and give it your best shot. Grab those A1s and give yourselves and your teachers a reason to rejoice. Prove it to them that we can do it, and we can do it better than all the past students, because we are 4H'09. :D

Okay, that didn't really sound like me. But well, enjoy your two weeks, balance your work and play, live these two weeks to the fullest because when school reopens, you'll need all the energy to run to the end! End*

For more info, can go my classblog.. hhhh-ohnine.blogspot.com.. heh.. gonna relink now.. xD

i will keep running this race like i do for all others.. and i will still keep in mind everything i want in mind.. xD well.. end of my post.. well.. have to get a birthday present.. left 1 more.. have a lower budget for hers.. xD must not steal the limelight from other people..

Quizzy

2009-06-04T05:02:00.000-07:00

got a quiz that someone tag me, but nv tell me.. lol

01. Honestly, what color is your shirt?
Ans: White nike shirt? although i hate nike..

02. Honestly, whats on your mind?
Ans: sian.. have to do Amath textbook questions.. after i play 1 round of dota!! xD

03. Honestly, what have you done yesterday?
Ans: ermz.. seriously.. dun remember.. hmm.. study? do abit homework? play com?

04. Honestly, have you ever been in love?
Ans: erm.. i dunno anymore..

05. What do you do when you're mad?
Ans: recently like to scold f for no reasons.. and well i dun get mad..

06. What's the worst things you've done when you were very mad?
Ans: scold f at someone

07. Ever made anyone cry?
Ans: myself?

08. Do you curse when you're mad?
Ans: erms.. i tot ask this question lerh?

09. When was the last time you really cried?
Ans: erm.. 2am before my chinese O lvls.. coz i cannot sleep.. but thanks to some prayer, i finally slept at 3.. xD

10. Ever cried yourself to sleep?
Ans: erm.. before chinese o lvl

11. What usually makes you cry?
Ans: sad thought

12. Are you normally a happy person?
Ans: messed up.. xD

13. Does being with your friends makes you happy?
Ans: ermz.. if i feel at ease with them..

14. When people say they think you are good looking/pretty, do you get happy?
Ans: xD if it is a good looking/pretty person..

15. Is there someone who you like at the moment?
Ans: myself

16. Have you ever given or been given a rose?
Ans: plastic rose count anot? 21 red straw star rose, and 99 straw star rose(mixed colours xD) and no one gives me roses.. sadded..

16. What is your all-time favorite romance movie?
Ans: lol.. i dun like.. onli like romance anime..

17. Do you believe in love at 1st sight?
Ans: erm.. i think so ba

18. Do you believe that everyone has a soul-mate?
Ans: err.. no..

19. Have you ever had your heart broken?
Ans: erm.. cannot find anymore..

20. What do you think about long-distance relationships?
Ans: stupid and stupid..

21. What do you think of online relationships?
Ans: erm.. i dunno.. nv try xD

21. Have you ever seen a friend as more than a friend?
Ans: erm.. gay partner can count? xD

22. Do you believe the statement, "Once a cheater always a cheater?"
Ans: i usually cheat myself.. yea..

23. Do you usually fall for the right boy/girl?
Ans: No

24. What colour make you think of LOVE?
Ans: erm.. any xD

25. What are your views on gay marriages?
Ans: muahahahaha.. i want to have one.. xD

26. Imagine you're 79 & your spouse just died, would you re-marry?
Ans: heh.. if any young and pretty girl wants me xD

27. At wht age did you start noticing the opposite sex?
Ans: aye.. primary 6..

28. Would you date some1 older or younger than you?
Ans: younger yes.. older no..

29. How many kids do euu wan?
Ans: 5! xD

30. Do you think someone likes you at the moment?
Ans: no.. i always dun have anyone derh..

31. Do you like anyone before?
Ans: my heart has turned to dust.. u think?

32. Do you believe you truly love only once?
Ans: nope xD nothing lasts forever.. if u dun put in effort..

33. What is the 1st letter of their names?
Ans: 1 of the letters on my keyboard..

34. Have you had ur 1st kiss yet?With who if applicable?
Ans: Yes.. with P

35. Are you single?
Ans: single and available.. come get me!! (WOOOO!!)

36. How many boys have you gone out with?
Ans: erm.. uncountable xD

37. Hav you br0ken someone's heart?
Ans: maybe my parents one ba.. thats all i think.. no one liked me, so how i break? lol

38. Do you want to be single or attached when you are old?
Ans: Married!!

39. If you were stranded on an deserted island with your enemy with no food,what wil you do? Ans: must not eat him.. later i get diarrhoa..

40. When someone catches your eye will you make eye contact or avoid?
Ans: nice looking, yes.. deemed ugly, erm.. see if i know her.. xD

41. Wht colour is your comb?
Ans: orange

42. How do you know that you are in love?
Ans: erm.. when i irritate her by sms?

43. The thing you love about being in a relationshipp?
Ans: spending hours and hours sending sms that does not make sense xD

44. The thing you love about being single?
Ans: dun like..

45. Will you give up your dream for the 1 you love?
Ans: my dream is to find my love.. so.. how?

46. Do you talk alot??
Ans: yea.. on msn and sms..

47. Favourite ice-cream flavour?
Ans: Chocolate..

48. Could you date someone you knew very long?
Ans: yep! xD

49. Do you get jealous easily?
Ans: erm.. once in a while.. when i really want something..

50. Is there such thing as a PERFECT relationshipp??
Ans: Nobody is perfect, and i am an nobody..

51. How important is trust??
Ans: must have in friends and family

52. Is looking good important?
Ans: erm.. partly onli

53. Do you chew on your straws??
Ans: erm.. once in a while when i really very bored, i eat straws, then fold them xD

54. The kind of people you are 1st attracted to?
Ans: sporty and shorter than me! xD

55. What is something you say often?
Ans: i say alot of things.. most often, (YAN KAE!!! LETS GO!!!) lol..

---Next---

Another quiz I own.

1.Do you like sports?
Ans: yea.. running, badminton, taekwondo..

2.What is your gender?
Ans: Male, gay, homo

3.What is your wish?
Ans: find girl! xD but i wont turn despo..

4.How many classmate are there in your class?
Ans: 44

5.What is your favorite colour?
Ans: black, red, green, blue

6.What is your hobby?
Ans: Run

7.When is the last time you had sparring(fight) with?
Ans: erm.. i think is yu jian after session.. i win! xD

9.Who is the one whom you enjoy when you are with?
Ans: myself..

10:Do you like jokes?
Ans: well.. i look into the mirror, and find one.. how lucky..

5 people to do this quiz.
hey u looking at this question.. do it..

---Next---

Another quiz.

Random Order.
1.Daryl
2.Wesley
3.Amanda
4.Yan Kae
5.Pinardy
6.Ding Yang
7.natalie
8.Jian sheng
9.Cheng Hui
10.Ah Gong
11.Chong Wei
12.Samuel Poon
13.Charmaine
14.Alvin
15.Mr Peh
16.Chong En
17.Shi Tian
18.Jonathan
19.Kah Hwee
20.Yi Ting
21.Rachel

1.How did you get to meet 7? Natalie
NPCC, Taewondo

2.What will you do if you and 15 never met? Mr Peh
I will not take running seriously

3.What will you do if 20&1 date? Daryl and Yi Ting
muahahhaa.. dunno..

4.Have you ever saw 17 cry? Shitian
no..

5.Could 4&16 a good couple? -yan kae and chongen
no.. yan kae is mine..

6.Do you think 11 is attractive? Chong wei
His sister is.. xP

7. What is 2's favourite colour? Wesley
Red

8.When was the last time you talked to 9? -Cheng Hui
today.. in class..

9.What language does 8 speak? -Jian Sheng
mixed about..

10.Who is 13 going out with? -Charmaine
Single and unavailable.. AUNTIE!

11.What grade is 12 in? -Samuel Poon
Sec4

12.Would you ever date 17? -Shi Tian
aye? good idea!.. not..

Toa payoh

14.What is the best thing about 3? -Amanda
very nice.. xD

15.What would you like to tell 10 right now? -Ah Gong
GIVE ME TUITION!

16.What is the best thing about 20? -Yi Ting
erm.. friendly?

17.Have you ever kiss 5? -Pinardy
Sorry.. i dun kiss zombies

18.What was the best memory you had with 21? -Rachel
dun have any..

19.When is the next time you're gonna see 6? -Ding Yang
Tomorrow.

20.How is 14&12 different? -alvin and samuel poon
alvin more handsome and older..

21.Is 19 pretty? -kah hwee
The most ugly auntie.. xD

22.What was your 1st impression of 11? -Chong Wei
Talkative..

23.How did you meet 20? -Yi Ting
Sec1 classmate

24.Is 1 your best friend? -Daryl
dun think so..

25.Do you hate 12? -Samuel
Sometimes?

26.Have you seen 18 in the last month? -Jonathan
no.. i miss his cold hard skeleton..

27.When was the last time you see 16? -Chong En
2 days ago..

28.Have you ever been to 5's house? -Pinardy..
Nope

29.When's the next time you gonna see 10? -Ah Gong
Tomorrow

30.Are you close to 13? -Charmaine
no.. she ignores me..

31.Have you ever been to a movie with 4? -Yan Kae
no.. i want to..

32.Have you gotten into trouble with 8? -Jian Sheng
sometimes almost fight..

33.Would you give 19 a hug? -Kah Hwee
no.. i onli have heart for girls..

34.When have you lied to 3? -Amanda
dunnoo.. sometimes the truth becomes lies..

35.Is 16 good at socializing? -Chongen
dunnoo

36.Do you know a secert about 9? -Cheng Hui
Yes! cannot say..

37.Describe the relationship between 12&18. -Jonathan and samuel poon
never met..

38.What's the best thing about your friendship with 9? -Cheng Hui
Asking her questions on certain subjects?

39.What is the worst thing about 6? -Ding Yang
dunno.. he hiding a lot of secrets from me bah..

40.Have you ever had a crush on 12? -Samuel poon
no

41.Does 14 have a boyfriend/girlfriend? -Alvin
never ask.. xD

42.Have you ever want to punch 1 in face? -Daryl
erm.. never though about it.. lol

43.Has 21 met your mother? -rachel
No

44.How did you get to meet 15? -Mr Peh
Running Club

45.Have you ever physically hurt 13? -Charmaine
think so? lol..

46.Do you live close to 7? -Natalie
No

47.What's 8's favourite food? -Jian Sheng
coconut jelly.. (nata de coco)

48.What kinda car does 1 have? -Daryl
big big one..
xD

49.Have you ever travelled anywhere with 9 before? -Cheng Hui
i think have vietnam trip and australia trip ba.. but during that time nv talk to her at all.. heh..

50.If you give 14 $100, what will he/she spent on? -Alvin
Friends.. he is a very nice person..

k.. done.. xD

I love the rain

2009-05-15T01:40:00.001-07:00

I LOVE THE RAIN!! xD

there.. posted.. not dead blog.. xP

Post for my sis..

2009-05-01T07:38:00.000-07:00

This is for my sis that went overseas..

see i so good right? straightafter u tell me to do so i come online just to help post..

err.. what happening in singapore? err.. Swine flu on ORANGE alert.. means suspected cases under quarantine.. nothing much le.. all the news is on it..

err.. at home, things that happen.. computer monitor break down, bro borrowed an old one from friend, and well.. thats y i can use now.. err.. dad got a job, helping his friend, but he dun want tell me what he actually does..

err.. thats all ba..

empty

2009-04-26T06:05:00.000-07:00

recently feel very empty.. i dun know what is wrong, maybe coz my leg is not in good condition, maybe coz i stopped running for a few days, maybe is just that i feel very very empty.. i dun like this feeling.. very saddening..

yesterday go Youth-hope.. i feel much better over there, everyone is so friendly, very funny.. and the lecture there is really very good..

they talked about PRIDE..
we take it as a RIDE for our ego..
but we have to get RID of it..
it is our ID(identity), so we alone are the ones to change it..
I am the root of my own pride..

we are all many small and faint stars that cannot do much..
but together, we can become a great constellation, and make known to others that we are here..

toe injured..

2009-04-19T06:26:00.001-07:00

toe injured.. lol.. playing basketball.. run, then kick another person ball.. pain.. lol stupid right?

ermz.. very bored right now, and dun seem to want to play with my homework for the time being.. heh..

today go toa payoh, extra abit.. just go there to pass sir a photo.. then can go back.. reached there during their 2nd session, about 11.30.. hehz.. over there slacking and doing chem homework and english assessment.. grammer builder 5.. (ms kaur says that my grammer is terrible.. so better brush up) haha.. i seriously seem like i am chionging for O lvls.. but well.. i am still not at full speed, still dotaing.. which i think many girls think is a stupid game..

erm.. sianz sia.. wanted to ask shi tian play dota.. then she say she quit lerh.. sadded.. heh.. OoFighters rule.. heh.. although i am a noob.. haha.. suddenly very hooked on the game.. very scared will affect my studies.. but hey, all study and no dota makes glenn a mugger.. lol..

i think i should decrease my training intensity.. recently keep running.. my legs starting to feel abit of strain lerh.. took notice of people that were jogging..

1)erm.. veteran runner.. wear brown cotton shirt.. erm.. just try to keep going abit faster than him..

2)an auntie wearing black singlet.. her face abit cute, but have sags.. then not cute lerh.. lol.. leg muscles very defined..(i think i sound horny)

3)uncle wearing grey cotton shirt.. erm.. nth to say.. nv really look at him much..

4)Some big sized guy wearing RI PE shirt, erm.. a lot faster than me, but well.. he seems a lot older..

5)Jia Jun.. O.o? he will jog one sia.. did not know.. i think he run faster than me sia.. he plug in earphone and hold on to gym towel.. chiong like mad.. but onli a few rounds ba i think..

6)err.. some guy that looks like a chinese national, erm.. white cotton tee, with a strapper on his knee, and well.. he seems to be sprint stop, sprint stop.. dunno what he doing ba..

7)Uncle in white shirt i think.. super big chest, super clean white new balance shoe.. and well super well paced? heh

8)erm.. dun think have liao.. guess is all the other young childrens playing and running? heh..

i want change shoe sia.. but parents dun allow.. keep saying that my shoe is still in a very good condition (of coz.. is my shoe..) but friction no more lerh.. heh..(my only reason to change it..) i run with it sometimes want fall(when it rained.. hehz) i was aiming a red adidas response running shoe.. well.. guess it is dashed.. haha..

Royal sporting house have this offer which is somewhat like trading in your shoe, and well u get 25% discount.. hmm.. i feel like taking advantage of this offer.. haha..

i really feel so much better after running.. i dun feel stressed, i dun think about girls(not dirty stuff), i dun think about studies, all i can think about is that i am enjoying my run.. xD i really love running.. hehz..

maybe i should change my blog url to Runningismylife.blogspot.com... haha.. just a thought.. but i think that i will suddenly lose interest in running one day.. and forget about it..

well.. i guess i should go.. bio spa this thursday, no fret! xD go there and do my best, at most do badly, which i always do.. well.. still should put in my best right? heh.. just worried about napfa 2.4km run.. i set a target to reach.. 10min30sec.. is it possible for me? my previous timing was 10min44sec, and 11min.. which was very disappointing.. would i be able to do it?

i look forward to wesley training me in badminton.. hehz..

New inspiration

2009-04-18T04:51:00.001-07:00

was very sad recently, but have to thank some special people that helped me feel better.. heh..

homework piling up, and well.. i dun really care.. heh..

erm.. heard this from someone..

"Do you want people to respect you when you go out? Do you want to have many friends around you all the time? When you see people do something bad or wrong, what is your first reaction? Is it to despise him? Is it to look down on him? When you see someone do something wrong.. you should tell him what it is that is wrong, and not just look down on him, or avoid him.. this is not the way.. you should try your best to help everyone to make friends, and you yourself will have 1 new friend.."

hmm.. quite interesting.. should learn from him? or should not..

hmm.. gotta start alot of things from the basics lerh..
basketball, under ring shoot in, badminton, gotta forget everything i know(by wesley) lol..

alot of work..

today go jogging, erm.. nothing much interesting.. realised my hands turn super cold and numb when i run long distance.. kinda scary.. i scared is something wrong with the way i run..

then, jog jog jog, saw this girl, long hair, orange singlet, black shorts, black and orange shoe(unknown brand.. cannot see what it is.. design not familiar) at first i saw her jog, oh.. ok. just another girl down for a jog, when i look at her face i thought it was Mei Xin.. (my mind thinking.. miracle sia.. she will go down ownself run derh..) then stupid me realized, meixin hair not so long, the girl as tall as me, looks more mature abit, like maybe how i think mei xin will look like in 4 years time.. heh.. just talking nonsense ba..

my mind very random recently..

Aye?

2009-04-12T03:45:00.001-07:00

Heard alot of stuff today.. but guess.. i still feel the same way.. haix.. 3 weeks since i feel as if i have given up.. She was my motivation to run, She was my motivation to study, She is my motivation to kill myself.. thats what i was thinking recently.. heh.. today last time i going taek until o lvls.. dun really feel anything.. just.. help.. nothing special happened..

erm.. miss her.. haix.. cannot think of anything..

haix.. gonna spar with yu jian on this coming thursday? erm.. guess i will get thrashed ba.. as i always am.. haix.. i want to run..

Training

2009-04-04T06:40:00.000-07:00

today, went yishun stadium to train.. went jogging with weights.. heavy sia..

take off lerh, feel like a freed jail bird..

then went sprinting..i very slow sia..

soccer, which i dun like at all.. lol.. now finally back! xD

Shock of my life..

2009-03-28T07:53:00.001-07:00

lol.. was facebooking when suddenly junda and gideon suddenly come scold me say i backstab them.. scold scold scold then suddenly.. ok we jking one.. we nth better to do.. WTF.. scare me like hell then tell me is a joke.. lol! scare me.. jkers.. lol!

heh.. wonder what i have to post..

2009-03-25T06:46:00.000-07:00

gonna post today.. coz got a spammer keep asking me to post.. LOL!

erm.. recent activities that i remembered..
2.4km timing dropped to 10min 33secs..
new favourite colour.. (red)
came up with my wishlist xD

erm wishlist:
red coloured bagpack($30)
red adidas response running shoe($114)
red adidas climaproof windbreaker($96)

lol..
heh.. gotta save up! xD

POST!!!!!!

2009-03-21T07:28:00.000-07:00

Yoz! finally posting.. xD

Sec1 orientation camp.. kinda ok.. sec4s very fun to be around with.. lol.. very long nv really do things with them lerh.. lol.. feels special.. last camp we having together, so.. have to appreciate it(although i got lost in pulau ubin.. road idiot) LOL!

homework, today go BK meet Mr Goh to get help for a n e math.. finally finish those o lvl papers.. muahahaha..

Unarmed combat lvl 1 test.. finally over.. xD hopefully can pass.. haha.. pretty funny sia.. i keep worrying alot, coz alvin keep telling me alot of my mistakes.. there, alot of people make the same mistakes.. but for me, i and daryl only forgot what we gonna do! xD lame right? haha.. but overall, it was pretty ok.. xD

was thinking what does Zenith mean.. (i from zenith TKD) lol.. so i should at least know abit.. xD it has many different meanings.. but so far, i have come down to this meaning.. The upward path above oneself.. which is to exceed one's self, push yourself to the limits, look upwards, and aim high.. one should only keep going higher. and not look down..

xD

beep test

2009-03-16T06:21:00.000-07:00

ooh.. today running club celebration.. not really like a celebration, but they still calls it that.. so.. went there, and eat loads of junk food.. haix.. i feel sick now.. haha..

beep test.. super tough.. lol.. for me larh.. reach lvl 6.6 or 6.7.. cannot remember.. have to run 20m before a beep.. then each time beep, have to run again.. then the time in between beeps shorten all the time.. so.. means faster and faster.. lol tired..

Motivational workshop..

2009-03-13T05:12:00.000-07:00

wooot.. feel so motivated.. heh.. gonna form a study group xD..

great talk, great speakers..

i wonder what is wrong with that asshole.. must disturb me over such a thing..

Haix... sadded

2009-03-09T01:48:00.000-07:00

gotta keep the smile on my face xD

cannot stop now.. i dunno what i am doing nowadays.. i have no will in doing anything.. yesterday, i just realised i dun have the will to do kicking.. i hate it..

haix.. gotta wake up my idea.. i keep making mistakes.. i keep lying down by my phone, hoping that someone would suddenly talk to me.. haix.. must stay happy xD heh..

good things that happened: err.. nothing..

lolx.. how to stay happy at this rate?? haix..

ERmz.. Post?

2009-03-01T02:30:00.000-08:00

These few days, not myself sia.. dunno why i dun feel the same.. i get frustrated easily.. and i feel wrong all of the sudden.. haix..

today was newton active run.. i run 10km.. with eric, john, mr peh, KL.. well.. kinda happy with the results ba.. but at last 4km, i punctured liao.. slow down alot.. heh.. then at 8km mark, mr Peh suddenly catch up with me and we finished it together.. results, 54min,40 sec? abit lower.. heh.. beat my previous timing.. last time standard chartered.. 1hour 5min.. heh.. big improvement xD

after run, go get shirt.. kinda simple.. not very nice, but ok.. then can get extra shirt, i go get 1 xD so now i have 2 of the shirt.. heh..

tomorrow.. important day.. gotta do it right.. cannot chicken out..

taekwondo kinda normal.. just that i not much energy to kick.. so.. kinda troubled ba.. too many things going through my mind..

Run baby run!

2009-02-17T03:01:00.000-08:00

I feel so restless.. all i can think about is, ______ aaargh.. my sms limit left 50.. cannot sms much liao.. cannot believe it.. so fast gonna reach 650..

cannot study sia.. everytime feel like sleeping, and no mood to study.. haix..

today house practice.. start late.. go there, tell us run 2rounds.. run finish lerh, then realised all of them run 1 round onli.. lol.. cheat my feelings..

after that, they made us wait abit more, then make us run another 2 rounds.. stupid sia..

first up, 100m.. tried running.. my reaction super slow sia.. 200m.. cedric and alfred infront of me.. as expected..

then nv do anything.. seriously waste time.. then cedric ask me and alfred to do another 100m.. go lerh, cedric keep running beside me, as if it was super easy to keep up with me.. lol.. super sad sia.. i run so slow.. next week is newton active mile.. another 10km.. sian.. lol.. common tests coming up.. gotta work as soft as possible!

tagged by melvin!

2009-02-12T03:58:00.000-08:00

1. How old will you turn in 2009?
-16 years old

2. Would you rather love one person or have many relationships ?
-Love one person

3. Would you date with someone 8 years older than you ?
-NO

4. When was the last time you laughed ?
- i laugh all the time.. guess it was during taekwondo today?

5. What were you doing at 4am this morning ?
-erm.. checking my phone for any smses..

6. What's your relationship with the person you last texted ?
-err.. just another girl that will reply my smses..

7. What did you do today ?
-Study, kick, talk, breath, listen, eat, stretch, shout, practice..

8. Who do you really want to see now ?
- someone, that i cannot state..

9. Will your next kiss be a mistake?
-i dun even know when will my first kiss will come.. xD

10. Who's your last missed call ?
-Robin Sir

11. What's something you really want now ?
-erm.. sleep..

12. What was your first thought when you woke up this morning ?
-throw my handphone onto the floor for disturbing my sleep..

13. Would you go back in time if you had the chance ?
-Yes.. change everything.. so that my life will be downside up..

14. What's something you need to go shopping for ?
-valentine's day present, bird day present for my neighbour..

15. Do you want kids ?
-Kinda.. kids seems like an occupation..

16. Are you in love with anyone ?
- Think so.. dunno if it is just infatuation..

17. How's is your heart lately ?
-tearing itself into pieces..

18. When was the last time you slept on the floor ?
-last year's end of year training camp..

19. Is your phone close to you ?
-yes.. i tend to keep it by me, although no smses comes in..

20. What is bothering right now ?
-Still what Kai Ling said.. "stop harassing her", and what am i really thinking about..

21. What does your last text received message say ?
-" Tired rite? feel like slping now. zzz"

22. Where are you now ?
-Home!

23. Are you listening to music ?
-No.. i no modd to listen to it now..

24. Do you like country music ?
-no.. i like high songs, which has strong tempos..

25. Do you wet toothbrush before toothpaste ?
-no..

26. How is your hairstyle right now ?
-As usual.. nerdy..

27. Do you like your first name ?
-i dun care about it..

28. The last thing you drank
-erms.. mango tea..

29. What you sing obnoxiously in car?
-i dun sing in cars.. my parents wont be happy about me making so much noise..

30. What did you do 15 mintues ago ?
-sms..

31. Do you think you are a good person ?
-No.. i am just someone that takes up space..

32. The first contact name in your phone ?
-Alpha

33. The sweetest person in your life ?
- Actually, no idea..

34. The closest male to you now is
-erm.. Yan Kae.

35. The person you are chatting with now ?
-Cannot say..

36. The languages that you are able to speak ?
-English, Chinese, Ununderstandable language..

37. The last person whom you screwed ?
-Yan Kae! muahahahaha

38. One word about your life now ?
- messed up.. i dunno what i want now.. wishing washing..

39. Where do your wish to work ?
-HPB

40. What are you especially good at ?
-erm.. talking nonsense.. and laughing at things that are not funny to people..

41. Would you date someone younger then you ?
-Yes..

42. Who are you to youreself ?
-errr.. take up space, waste oxygen supply..(should save the water i drink for the ocean..)

43. Do you forgive people easily ?
-Erm.. those that scold me stupid with a screwed face, i dun forgive.. the others.. still managable..

44. Which girl is precious to you ?
-erm.. cannot say.. xD

45. Your dressing style ?
-kuku style!

46. How are you different from other boy ?
-i am extremely short..

47. The bad point of yourself ?
-laugh too much.. think so..

48. The last contact in your phone ?
- Zi Han
49. Your favourite song ?
-The Great Escape

50. The two hated contact in your phone ?
-JackAss, and.. well.. onli 1 ba..

51. Can you learn one language in 10 days ?
-i can learn a few words in 10 days..

52. One gorgeous girl you came across ?
- Someone with a face like this.. xD

53. Who is your biggest enemy ?
-erm.. i dun take anyone as my enemy.. but i do feel resent to people..

54. Which gang do you support ?
-Anyones that does not exist

55. What do you think about gangster ?
-erm.. some people that finds trouble for pointless reasons?

56. Proper age to join gang ?
-No proper age.. joining gangs is not proper anyway..

57. Do you have a blogspot ?
-Erm.. Where is this quiz?

58. Do you like anyone who smokes ?
-NO!! SMOKING IS STUPID!, but i love my father.. so.. cannot say anything..

59. What do you think about modelling ?
-dun care about it..

60. Given a chance, would you like to be a model ?
-Nah.. i rather do smth that attracts less attention..

61. Whose approval to you usually seek first ?
-Mum, Friends

62. What do you wish to be in the future ?
-i want to be someone that is still happy..

63. Tag people to do this quiz.
-everyone that i just tagged recently!!

oh crap..

2009-02-11T13:34:00.000-08:00

oh crap.. oh crap.. i forgotten her birthday.. no wonder she so angry with me... aaaaargh!! sorry!!..

sorry!! i nv buy anything, i forgot about it.. i feel so terrible over it.. aaargh! stupid me..

Tagged to do this..

2009-02-11T01:15:00.000-08:00

A)People who have been tagged must write their answers in their blog.
B)Tag 8 people to do this quiz. Those that are tagged cannot refuse.
C)Continue this game by tagging 8 other people

1. Melvin
2. Jian Sheng
3. Javier
4. Soon Huat
5. Chee Hong
6. Kah Hwee
7. Yi Luan
8. Gerald

1.What have you been doing recently ?
Erm.. Smsing, doing hmwk.. nth much..

2.Do you ever turn your cell phone off ?
Nope.. i always keep it on..

3. What happened at 10am today ?
erm.. still in class.. should be geography lesson.. sitting next to jian sheng disturbing him?

4. When did you last cry ?
My heart cries everyday..

5. Believe in fate/destiny ?
Yes!

6. What do you want in your life now ?
Get more event T-Shirts, Get into nanyang poly's dental hygiene and therapy, and find someone to accompany me for life..

7. Do you carry an umbrella when it rains or just put up your hood?
Umbrella.. i seldom wear my hoodie..

8. What's your favourite thing to do on the bed ?
I seem to do homework, and study on it, but favourite thing is sleep?

9. What bottoms are you wearing now ?
Army Shorts!

10. What's the nicest things in your inbox ?
"Ohh, po0r thing larhx.. Then do u have a stead?" nicest comment someone gave to me.. so.. yea..

11. Do you tend to make your relationship complicated ?
heh.. i dun want to, but my mouth always does so..

12. Are you wearing anything borrowed from anyone ?
I dun like to do so..

13. What was the last movie you caught ?
should be Wall-E.. with neighbours?

14. What are you proud of ?
Erm.. i am not proud of anything..

15. What does the oldest text msg in your inbox say ?
"Tired rite? feel like slping now..zzz"

16. What was the last song you sang out loud ?
Cai Hong, by jay chou..

17. Do you have any nicknames?
Potato, potato police.. all by jun liang..

18. What does the newest text say ?
"Lol, was having dinner just now"

19. What time did you go to bed last night ?
8.32pm

20. Are you currently happy ?
no..

21. Who gives you the best advise?
erm.. Daryl? i think..

22. Do you eat whipped cream straight from the can ?
Erm.. i dun dare eat whipped cream without anything else..

23. Who did you talk on the phone last night ?
I dun recieve phone calls.. always sms one..

24. Is something bugging you now?
What Kai Ling said.. " Dun harrass her larH!"
homework,
this quiz..

25. Who was the last person to make you laugh?
Yan Kae

aargh.. FORGET IT!

2009-02-07T04:57:00.000-08:00

i dun care anymore.. i dun want to think about it anymore.. from now on, i am gonna work hard for o levels.. this is the first time i say this.. and i really hate it when i feel bored, and look for something better to do.. i gotta start concentrating on my homework.. cannot keep thinking about these useless things anymore..

no one is there to see what has happened, and no one will ever know what went pass..

blisters..

2009-02-05T04:32:00.000-08:00

ooh.. today very boring day, ss lecture on counter terrorism was damn lame.. finish lerh faster rush for taekwondo.. lol.. blisters on my toes lerh.. haix..

finally win guan thong in basketball xD.. have to work on my dribbling and shooting.. sobx..

i very scared of being hated.. i dun like the feeling when people look at me and gives me the face all the time.. i am scared..

tomorrow bio spa! gonna study soft!!

tired, gullible..

2009-02-03T06:03:00.000-08:00

cannot believe i was so gullible to believe her.. zzz.. got tricked.. stayed up for nth.. waited so long, just to hear lame excuses once again.. y am i so stupid..

today finally went for running club.. eric either seems to be getting better, or i am getting worse.. haix.. today climb stairs at home.. climb until want die.. tomorrow chinese remedial.. haix.. super stupid sia..

i want to sleep!

Shakugan no shana

2009-02-02T06:22:00.001-08:00

finally watching the 2 seasons of shakugan no shana.. ending damn vague.. but still quite nice..

gonna watch the movie most likely tomorrow..

haix.. tomorrow still got so many tests coming.. zzz.. not gonna study for my Differentiation test.. xP

Next saturday, i will be free!! xD anyone on enough to ask me out?? heh.. guess i will most likely be staying at home.. gonna relax, and prepare for common test.. heh.. seldom see me talk about preparing for exams.. but.. well.. this years results will narrow down my life's route by alot.. so.. gotta do well..

made friends with this sec2 girl online.. from same school.. lol.. her name super common.. mistaken her for another person.. very sociable, keeps thinking that i am an optimistic, funny, and relaxed person..

lol.. first time people say i optimistic..

Thanks, Alvin, Shi Tian, Charmaine, Darryl, for the support.. thank you..

guess, this time, it is no longer a mask.. seems like an opportunity to do well!

Aims for this year..
STUDY HARD!
HAVE LOTS OF DISTRACTIONS!
HAVE LOADS OF FUN!
SAVE UP ENOUGH MONEY FOR ALL THE THINGS I WANT!
GET AT LEAST 14 POINTS FOR O LVLS!!
LISTEN IN CLASS!
SLEEP WELL!
MAKE MORE NEW FRIENDS!
STOP SMSING SO MUCH!
STOP BEING BORED!
O LVLS TO BE A BREEZE!!

lol.. all of these is what i am hoping for.. heh.. have to work soft for it!! lets go and have fun in the final year..

hope our squad's POP shirt is nice..

Sorry..

2009-02-01T02:28:00.000-08:00

sorry alvin, dexter, daryl, and charmaine, for breaking down today.. thx for being there..

i could not believe it.. my resolve is not strong enough.. i cannot lie to myself anymore.. i keep feeling so pathetic, the girl i like is being wooed, and yet, i am not doing anything.. all i am doing is staying away, and watching.. i feel like i am super stupid.. haix.. could not bear it anymore..

High Rope Challenge.. What goes up, must come down..

2009-01-31T03:41:00.001-08:00

Today is HRC.. High Rope Challenge.. woke up at 5.30, went school to bus to changi to take bumboat.. we all super high.. after all, it is one of the last few outings together as a squad for us the sec 4s.. the mood was great.. walk all the way to npcc campsite, while others take van.. lol..

reach le.. got short briefing, then.. off we go.. starting everything off, was flying fox.. which was once singapore's tallest zipline.. and well.. waited very long for my turn.. whats best is that it is a double line.. means, where normal ziplines only 1 person a time, this one have pair one.. xD paired with jiajun.. both of us damn enthusiastic about it.. when is our turn, we run all the way to the tower, and climb.. so high..

run up le, panting, and damn it was high.. which was pretty scary at first.. when the instructor clip me onto the glider, it seem to kept pulling me down.. xD.. i was totally trembling.. when we go down, it was only a short drop, and a fast fly to the other side.. which all i could feel, was the wind blowing in my face.. and the pain of the harness on my leg.. lol.. finish lerh, it was not scary, but my leg was trembling..

next was being ladderman.. well.. i was slacking.. moving the ladder for the Adventure Rope Challenge, was boring.. kept thinking when is our turn to play.. face abit sunburnt liao.. after that, was lunch.. finally realised what kind of big eaters our squad was.. we were all in high spirits.. after lunch, slack about, then went for ARC again.. finally our turn.. got 2 ways to go.. one is the balance course, the other is the strength course.. since Jacky took 15mins to fail the strength course, and challenged me to do it, of coz i go do it.. STUPID ME.. lol strength course really strength course..

first part.. was some rings, which we had to hold onto.. and some small planks that can only fit one feet.. at first, i was pretty ok.. go quite well.. no problems.. only hand pretty shaky.. then one part where there is a big plank to move to, MY LEG CANNOT REACH!! my leg too short.. waste alot of strength hanging on, and trying to reach.. finally reach lerh very reliefed.. but hand no strength lerh.. continue the next one, my hand suddenly went numb.. omg!! i was hanging on desperately.. everyone was telling me to pull myself up.. which was pretty impossible at the point of time..

my arms gave way.. omg.. fell.. then, they used the rescue ladder to pull me to continue the second part.. well.. my arms were numb when i reached the checkpoint.. next one.. is a horizontal shaking ladder, with one rope to use for balance.. which has no tension at all.. zzz.. almost fall alot of times.. hands numb somemore.. my god.. glad that i could finish it to the next checkpoint..

final part.. 1 thin cable, with some ropes to hang on to, where the ending part has balloons to hang on to.. finish lerh, my hand totally no strength.. rest for 1hour.. even until now, still no strength.. lolx.. next was dangling duo, which we had to go as a pair to climb a giant dangling ladder.. which too bad.. rained.. haix.. that meant the end of HRC.. haix.. wanted to try the pepper pole, which many prefer calling leap of faith/honour, coz it sounds cooler.. climb up a shakky pole, stand it the top like niinja, then jump for a horizontal bar which is damn close.. the boys keep saying, have to do at least 1 pull up.. lol.. nevermind bah.. on the way back, we damn high.. on the bus, keep talking to mr see about things regarding the unit..

haix.. had dinner at long johns.. finally.. i LOVE HRC!

WOots!

2009-01-29T05:17:00.000-08:00

yay!.. super happy!! haha.. happy.. cut* paste* cut* paste* cut* paste* cut* paste* cut* paste* cut* paste* cut* paste* cut* paste* cut* paste* cut* paste* cut* paste* cut* paste* cut* paste* cut* paste* cut* paste* cut* paste* cut* paste* cut* paste* cut* paste* cut* paste* cut* paste* cut* paste* cut* paste* cut* paste* cut* paste* cut* paste* cut* paste* cut* paste* cut* paste* cut* paste* cut* paste* cut* paste* cut* paste* cut* paste* cut* paste* cut* paste* cut* paste* cut* paste* cut* paste* cut* paste* cut* paste* cut* paste* cut* paste* cut* paste* cut* paste* cut* paste* cut* paste* cut* paste* cut* paste* cut* paste* cut* paste* cut* paste* cut* paste* cut* paste* cut* paste* cut* paste* cut* paste* cut* paste* cut* paste* cut* paste* cut* paste* cut* paste* cut* paste* cut* paste* cut* paste* cut* paste* cut* paste* cut* paste*

heh.. made a new friend today.. very nice sia..

OOH!!

2009-01-28T05:29:00.000-08:00

chinese new year holidays over.. no more collecting hong bao.. sobx..

sad thing.. this year dun have collect much.. coz my father's side have problem.. haix..

today.. school is as usual.. and i always feel bored no matter what.. after school.. changed and went to robin sir house to bai nian..

erm.. i bused to sengkang.. roughly 2.45 reach.. aaargh.. 4.30 is the meeting time.. , my god! walk walk look look see see.. and smsing stupid stuff to stupid people.. xP very sad i have to break my promise.. haix.. promised a girl that i will give her, her belated birthday present on valentines day.. lol i dunno why i said that.. but well.. i ask her valentines day free? she said she got cca and lessons after that.. well.. guess i will save the money for some other things bah..

met ding qi(new friend).. take lrt.. lol first time take sia.. dunno what yellow light, what red light.. supposed to take to renjong, take to ranggung.. alot of nonsense.. finally reach, then watch IP man, and eat alot of the treats.. heh..

finally home!

shit..

2009-01-26T10:15:00.000-08:00

aaaargh.. i cannot seem to get to sleep.. damn.. feeling damn troubled.. cannot seem to stop thinking even for awhile.. i cannot seem to blank out anymore.. aaargh.

happy first day of lunar new year..

2009-01-26T06:51:00.000-08:00

oh.. happy new year.. everyone has been sending those happy new year smses, which i dun really notice..lol.. been waiting for people to sms me, say that they are bored, and feel like chatting.. coz i myself am bored.. and dunno who is free, to sms.. sian..

well.. yesterday SHOU SUI, until 4am.. damn tired.. then my friends pang seh me.. go play mah jong.. sobx.. more reasons to be sad..

today, morning wake up at 10.15.. 5min from her usual wake up time, as she claims.. went to grandmother's house.. eat lunch.. this year like very boring.. coz my aunt went overseas.. so.. not much people there..

then went to my father's friend's fish farm.. well.. my sis was going crazy taking pictures.. lol.. then.. went to have fun at the fish spa free! xD go there, put leg in.. all the fish.. swarm in, and suck on my fresh juicy meat.. lol.. very itchy.. well my sis was screaming all over, and wasted 30mins, gathering her courage to put her stinking feet it..

well.. after just 30min, my feet was kinda numb from the itchy sucking.. lol.. feels great.. then went prawning, also for free.. well.. my brother did most of the job.. i just sit there and watch him.. heh.. after just 1min, got 1 prawn lerh.. 10min later have to go.. haix.. back home to prepare for dinner..

Dinner, with my faternal side was kinda ok.. lively atmosphere.. steamboat.. after that, went to play cards with my cousins.. haix.. cannot get the mood.. super sian.. chinese new year, cloth cannot wear black.. but no one said should not wear a black face.. haix..

very sian.. seems like she has made a choice.. time to reply tags..

Iman: ur juliet told me that emo good for health.. i want slim down.. :P
Melvin: No point trying.. giving up early lowers the damage later..
Wing Yan: Coz i everytime ask u question, u dun want reply.. zzz
Iman(again): cannot.. refer to first reply.. i guess i should stop deluding myself.. :P

Sekaii ni hito tsu dake no hana..

2009-01-25T08:05:00.000-08:00

Guess i should save this phrase for someone else..

well.. each day still seems like a torture..

each day, knowing you will go out with him soon..
each day, waiting for replies that will never come..
each day, waiting for my questions to be answered..
each day, asking myself.. should i be doing this..

each day is like walking through hell over and over again.. it never seems to end.. walking throught the desert..

there is this story.. about a man stranded in the desert.. all his supplies was destroyed by a sandstorm.. all he had left was a miserable apple.. but he held on to it.. clinging onto the faith that, not all is lost.. He had lost all his supplies, but he still had an apple..

with that faith, he continued on.. even when the apple was rotten, and dried.. he still continued walking.. through the desert, with one thought in mind.. " I have not lost everything.. I still have hope.. I must make it out of the desert" He did not eat the apple.. when in the end, after torturous 2 days, he finally made it to a nomad's camp.. well.. with that, the story ended..

this story was told to me by my sec2 chinese teacher.. although he is no longer here, i still remember that he was the only teacher that thought that i could make it into higher chinese with his help.. well.. although he did not inspire me to work harder on chinese, i still remember him well..

This story.. relates to how i feel.. here is an analogy.. i am all alone, stranded in a desert, and everything gone.. all i found was a beautiful desert flower, which has the same place as the apple in the story..

so.. walking halfway, the flower turned into dust.. everything seems lost.. there is no more determination to be found in my heart and soul.. there is not a single scrap of hope left in my entire being.. i am.. empty..

well.. today, is chinese new year.. i am still on my shou sui.. which is to keep up all night, to wish our parents longevity.. so far, i and my neighbours planned to stay up, playing DOTA.. lolx.. cute idea huh? well.. 2 people with me.. now left 1.. coz the other have to off comp.. so sad..

wonder if she is awake.. guess she is sleeping bah.. this wednesday.. another time to be sian.. coz she wont reply my sms even after chinese new year holidays.. guess it is the end of the road.. what am i waiting for?

Why i will give up..

2009-01-23T18:58:00.000-08:00

The reasons why i am giving up on you..

1)I know that i will lose to him..
2) i know where i stand.. i should give way..
3) whats the point of struggling when i know i will lose out..
4) Reasons that i will lose to him..

1) U seem to be happier with him around..
2) He is willing to spend money on gifts for u, while i don't..
3) u go out ever so often with him..
4) U never seem to say no to him..
5) u hide messages for him all the time.. as well as him..
6) U spend more time with him, he knows u well, u know him well..
7) I am only an acquaintance..
8) i have other priorities, set before you, while he puts u first on his list..
9) U 2 communicate so much better..
10) u r always on his mind, while i only think of you when my autophobia sets in..
11) u never seem happy with me around..
12) he remembers every action u commit, while i only remember ur words..
13) I am only a bystander..
14) on 14 feb, he will be giving u a great gift.. but i will not..

Finished..

well.. had a lousy valentines day gift in mind xD.. but got rid of the idea.. should not do so.. later i feel even worse.. i should give up.. getting a girlfriend is not my priority, unlike his, which is to successfully woo u..

my priorities for now..
1) Make up for all the promises that i broken for my friends.. if i remember any..
2) Save up money for future.. (sounds lame huh? thats y i so money-minded)
3) Studies come next..
4) CCA..
5) i prefer playing basketball.. than going out with a girl..
6) Running is good for the heart..
7) my family..
8) my life..
9) my friends..
10) Girls..

lolx.. thats the reason y i always PS girls on the bus when i see my friends.. heh.. sorry amanda..

i just realise.. whenever i see anything blurry, i twitch my nose.. its a natural reaction coz i wear specs for too long liao.. then when it droops, my vision is affected so.. i twitch my nose to get it back in place.. so.. when i take of my specs, i feel so akward.. coz i cannot stop the irresistable feeling of twitching my nose..

lol.. my specs will spoil one day man.. people sure like to hit it off me while playing basketball..

chinese new year coming lo.. many things to do.. many treats to eat, many things to collect xD, many happy reunions to see..

gotta do spring cleaning later on.. and homework.. lol.. yesterday lao yu sheng.. keep saying.. homework faster finish arh!.. hopefully i remember to do it.. lolx.. or not i am so dead..

should throw away the box that i made.. it is useless already, since i am not gonna give it to her lerh.. lol.. guess i should see the bright side of this.. no more distraction? or maybe.. i still too concentrated on playing..

i love collecting event shirts xD (random)..

how do people make themselves a devoid of feelings?

I love u more than i do to myself..

lolx.. wasted so much of my time which can never be brought back..

2009-01-23T05:06:00.000-08:00

Today, PE, play ironman.. play till want to die sia.. lolx..

after that, was cny performance, which was.. kinda sian, coz i not interested in those kind of things..

then went back to class, chem supplementary canceled.. go lao yu sheng.. lol quite nice.. although yu sheng no fish.. -.- hehs..

went for lunch, got this girl scold me fuck 5 times, and 2 times through sms.. so total, 7 times.. she must really hate me alot.. zzz

went URA.. waste time.. lols.. learnt, a lot of, useless facts.. lol

went home.. damn tired sia..

Chan Mei Xin Scolded me FUCK 7 times!! i hate her!!

Why am i doing this??

2009-01-22T05:14:00.001-08:00

I know that i am being extremely childish.. haix.. but i do not like to snatch.. i am always on the losing side.. i hate it whenever i lose.. so.. best way, dun snatch.. just give way.. yea.. thats what i am doing.. but why do i still feel wrong? its not the same anymore.. i still cannot grasp what is wrong..

i cannot feel the release.. i thought that i did the right thing.. but i am starting to give in to myself.. i am always this weak.. i cannot even keep to my own promise to myself.. do not talk to her.. but y? ii do not feel angry.. i cannot feel angry for some reason.. aaargh.. i am frustrated.. damn..

i regret..

2009-01-20T04:48:00.000-08:00

i regretted knowing u.. i regret even seeing u for the very first time.. the first time i saw you at KFC, the time i asked your friend for ut msn, the time i added you..

this is how i met you.. and well.. obviously, i regret it now.. maybe.. if i went back to time, i would change one thing.. and it was to not choose to go have lunch at KFC on that day, and ever seeing u, or noticing you..

i cannot do anything.. i wish i can forget you, but i cannot.. it has been 2 months since i told you the truth, and well, i was bent on removing all traces of u from my life..

well, seems like my resolve was never strong enough.. i guess, i am not as strong as i think i am.. i cannot bear to do it.. i cannot sleep when i think about you..

i remember all the times, i wasted smses over practically nothing, smsing nonsense wih you.. and not i really feel that it is a waste.. yea.. it is a waste.. i could have spent my time studying, like my parents wants me to do.. well, nope, all i can do is think about nonsense..

well.. it is about time it dawned on me.. it was always wishful thinking on my part, and well.. i have deluded myself so badly, i cannot recognise myself anymore..

there is no one i can share this pain along with.. the only thing that can help is for me to hid my face in the pillow, and sleep.. everything i do reminds me of u.. even going to sleep..

i remember many things u use to say.. although all is nonsense, i still remember.. although i deleted the smses.. if ur sad, sleep bah.. sleep lerh can forget everything..

yea.. i wish this can happen again.. now i know why people like to inflict cuts to themseves.. well, it distracts them from what they feel for a time being.. having being so sad, the sudden pain stops them from thinking about it, and the feeling is just ecstacy.. u cannot stop, until ur common sense comes back..

i tried, i failed.. i failed, i tried again.. well.. maybe it is time, to stop trying..

well today was running club.. started late.. haix.. but anyway, running makes me stop thinking temporarily.. and well.. seems like it is doing a great job.. guess i will be happy running... although i run damn slow, well.. it seems fun for me.. and i seem to love running with friends.. it is always a joy to do so..

why can't i stop feeling jealous??? why do i have to feel jealous over this.. i have no rights to feel jealous.. i am just someone you know.. i am only your acquantaince..

sekaii ni hito tsu dake no hana..

i do not know..

2009-01-19T04:20:00.000-08:00

was playing with cards just now.. and well. its supposed to calculate ur love life with a girl.. and well i did some..

Girl #1
Boy heart with girl, girl heart with boy, but to be together, is problem with boy's heart..

Girl #2
Boy with girl physically, boy heart with girl heart physically, but for heart and body to be together, there is some problems, and boy's heart have problem..

seems like my heart have some problem.. maybe i might die of heart attack the next day.. lol..

today, CNY deco was very happy.. slacking about, helping past cotton wool around, and singing songs off tune.. but i was only thinking of homework, and 2 people..

well.. it is very saddening.. i hate feeling like this... when they talked about it, all i could do was to cry out inside.. aaargh.. asking myelf, why? why? and why???.. all i can say is that i dun see it as clearly as i did before.. i believed it was coming to a start.. and well.. did not see the twilight coming about...

You are what complete me..

2009-01-16T04:24:00.000-08:00

When you look at me and smile, u make me feel something i have never felt for a long long time..

You have filled up the void inside me, with what i never thought i would have again..

the feeling is so great.. my heart throbs, my feet tremble, my hands feel cold, and i cannot stop thinking about you.. You have made me go crazy.. i cannot concentrate in whatever i do..

all i can do, is think about you..

The sight of you makes me feel ecstatic,

The smile on your face makes me smile inside,

Each time i see you look at me, i cannot help but wish that time would stop..

i do not know what to say...

Email have problem?= Life have problem..

2009-01-12T04:32:00.001-08:00

shucks.. my email having some problems.. cannot even open mail, or send.. haix..

Homework is piling up, tomorrow better go finish it up.. or not i seriously in deep trouble.. As usual, i am procrastinating it.. and well.. i dun feel like doing homeowrk now..

well.. was doing some lesson plans.. then i usually use my templates, coz i am so lazy to type it out.. so.. well.. i finish my first one.. saved.. i used my first template, do second one.. and well.. i pressed the diskette button, which is save.. and well.. there goes my first lesson plan.. AARGH!

Wardrobe disaster!

2009-01-01T05:11:00.000-08:00

my bro just had a wardrobe disaster.. heh.. alot of his clothes are getting too baggy for him, and some too big.. lol.. he was clearing it out, and since, i am about his size, all of it, i had to try.. lol.. so.. i became like a fashion show, and walked about in all kinds of different clothing.. heh..

Well, got 1 new bermudas, 2 new jeans, 1 new pants, and 1 new shirt.. heh.. so happy now.. xD

Thanks..

2008-12-31T01:37:00.000-08:00

I really like to thank Chee Hong..

He has done so much by just saying a litte..

thx for enlightening me.. i should not over-react over such a trivial matter.. thx so much man..

Hey!

2008-12-30T04:51:00.000-08:00

heh.. finally posting lerh.. today, nothing much.. stayed at home during the morning.. afternoon, friends asked me to go eat lunch with them.. then went to causeway with them, to buy shoes.. saw this adidas shoe that looks damn nice.. heh..

today.. my friend just lent me his black adidas supercrusher.. xD yay! coz he cannot wear coz his feet outgrown it.. heh.. just nice fit for me..

injured my wrist. sobx..

2008-12-30T04:49:00.001-08:00

erm.. tagged to do this..

2008-12-28T17:13:00.000-08:00

1. The person who tagged:
YingZhi

2. Your relationship with her:
erm.. junior..

3. Your impressions of her:
blur, and suffers from serious short term memory loss all the time..

4. The most memorable thing she had said to you:
very personal.. cannot publicise..(sorry).. xP

5. The most memorable thing she had done to you:
erm.. refer to 4..

6. If she becomes your lover, you will:
get killed by people who wanted to whack me before..

7. If she becomes your lover, thing she has to improve on will be:
erm.. nothing..

8. If she becomes your enemy, you will:
be sad?

9. If she becomes your enemy, the reason will be:
coz i am too irritating and she starts to hate me?

10. The most desired thing you want to do for her now is:
i dunno leh.. should be leave her alone to do her holiday assignments barh..

11. Your overall impression of him is:
very small voiced junior..

12. How do you think people around you will feel about you?:
irritating, selfish, useless, fat, noisy..

13. The characteristics that you love about yourself are:
Able to wear masks well?

14. On the contrary, the characteristics you hate of yourself are:
Too irritating..

15. The most ideal person you want to be is:
someone six feet under..

16. People who care about and likes you, say something to them:
wow.. did not know u people existed..

17. Pass this quiz to 10 people that you wish to know how they feel about you:
you all don't need do if you don't want (:
1. Melvin!!
2. Gideon!!
3. Shi Tian!!
4. Wing Yan!!
5. Soon Huat!!
6. Gerald!!
7. Ron!!
8. Jin Xuan!!
9. Javier!!
10. Jian Hern!!

18.Who is six having a relationship with? (Gerald):
nobody bah..

19. Is nine a male or female? (Javier):
Male..

20. What is two studying about? (Gideon):
Every word inside the bible..

21. If seven and ten are together, will it be a good thing? (Ron and Jian Hern):
erms.. nope.. bad influence on me to have gay partners around..

22. When was the last time you had a chat with three? (Shi Tian):
should be on a monday last week barh.. if not wrong..

23. What kind of music does eight like? (Jin Xuan):
S.H.E songs!

24. Will you woo three? (Shi Tian):
Dunno.. dun really know her well.. heh..

25. How about seven?(Ron):
i may act gay, but i am not..
26. Is four single? (Wing Yan):
erms.. dunno leh.. her that status is always changing..

27. What is the surname of five? (Soon Huat):
Chua

28. Do five and nine get along well? (Javier and Soon Huat):
? they dunno each other bah.

29. Where is two studying at? (Gideon):
CCHY ;DD

30. Have you tried developing feelings for eight? (Jin Xuan):
i think that this quiz has a major flaw..

31. Where does nine live at? (Javier):
Should be at sembawang bah..

32. What colour does three like? (Shi Tian):
I just know her, and dun intend to know more about her, and i dun have the chance to either..

33. Are five and one best friends? (Soon Huat and Melvin):
naw.. my friends are all from random places..

34. Does one have pets? (Melvin):
erm.. heh..

35. Is seven the sexiest person in the world? (Ron):
Not the sexiest, but well i think he is a sexy guy.. xP

36. What is ten doing now? (Jian Hern):
Not very clear..

Merry Christmas

2008-12-25T06:16:00.001-08:00

today is christmas, well i am stating the obvious..

today, went to robin sir's house for lunch.. eat kinda lot.. then sit inside, play cards xD.. while doing so, i eat alot of those chocolate kisses xD

very sweet.. but i prefer dark chocolates.. then went home, go neighbour house eat.. lol.. watch as they open up their christmas presents, and shriek in adoration of their new toys.. they even asked me to fix up their new figurines.. heh.. i feel like an older brother over there..

Regrets

2008-12-17T04:38:00.001-08:00

Everyone has regrets in their lives..

it may be smth they have done, smth they did not do, and there are many possibilities.. regrets can be found when decision is thought to be wrong.. there is when, regret shows its ugly butt..

i have many regrets.. i regret doing many things before in my life.. my biggest regret is being born into this world.. well.. it cant be a regret for me.. coz its not a decision for me whether i should be born.. then.. people like me will say, I WISH I WAS NEVER BORN..

well.. i used to have those kind of thinking.. whenever i regret doing anything, i never try to keep thinking about it, and i have never liked the feeling..

i regret.. making rash decisions.. especially when i was sec1, where i could make my own choice.. i regarded it as nth.. it will not affect my life much.. thats what i always thought.. well.. i now realised, i made the wrong decision.. joining this corp has brought little joy to my life..

although each time i do smth wrong, it is those few shreds of happiness i had that i used to cheer me up.. a smile or laughter from me is easy to get.. but i do not like being angry.. it makes me angry at myself for being angry..

i like to keep everything that i have hated deep inside, where i cast far away, and hard to tap..

but today, like last year, when cca orientation comes near.. people would say.. i regret joining this cca, if i have another chance, i will join (this or that).. well.. once they say that, i oso feel like saying the same thing..

this is the time when i feel most vulnerable about what i have experienced, and all the questions that i rather not answer long ago, come back up fresh in my mind, like cookies just cooked in the oven.. well.. thats a great time for people to pick on me successfully, even if its unintentional.. well.. too bad.. u chose the wrong time to do it..

this time, i will not just cast it aside.. i will keep in mind, what i have given up for all this..

i will remember..

2 star Kayaking

2008-12-14T04:06:00.000-08:00

2 star kayaking was kinda fun.. left with expedition

fun skills.. maybe next time can join other batches to kayak.. for fun..

i hate it when people would not reply my calls for help.. they treat it as if i am not being serious..

when i am in pain, i am in pain.. when i do not say anything, i am angry with u all, for not helping me.. I never fake my anger.. it was never fake from the start.. all the times i lied to u all, i was just lying, it was a lie..

could not believe they just left me behind like that...

Shag

2008-12-13T02:29:00.001-08:00

ooh.. tired.. today kayaking.. i am now sunburned, and tired..

Why does everyone have to blame other things for their mistakes, and not themselves?

Why?

2008-11-30T17:45:00.001-08:00

why.. why.. must i have done it?? WHY!! now i cannot do it anymore..

Chance

2008-11-28T07:50:00.000-08:00

Well.. it has been about five days since i lasat posted, and it seems like forever since i made contact.. i do not know.. what must i do? should i give myself a chance once again? should i let myself think that, i can be myself once again? always thinking that whatever i do, it does not have any consequences? can i go back to my usual self?

i just took 20mins thinking..

ooh.. another 10mins..

haha.. nothing going through my brain.. damn it..

i seriously blanking out alot...

hate this crap..

Impwerfwect..

2008-11-22T04:16:00.000-08:00

I know that i can be very irritating, sometimes, or maybe all the time, yea.. i realised this a very long time ago.. but i onli know that i disturb people only when i am feeling happy.. so.. if people dun like it when i am feeling happy, i really do not know how to feel.. maybe i can start being those people that are extreme introverts, do not talk to people.. always keep quiet in class one.. then like this i will disturb less people.. and less people will be angry with me over such things..

maybe i should find something more important to do, instead of going all over the place, talking crap, trying to mess people's minds up, and playing with my words.. at this rate, i will become a boring boy that can onli think of doing something that he thinks is important and that important thing is not homework.. thats for sure..

so far, onli she does not mind me disturbing her.. lol.. she can even reply my sms in the middle of the night for some reason.. well.. maybe that is why i cannot get her out of my freaking thing in between my ears..

i have to break the habit.. stop thinking about having fun.. do something important..
i have to stop looking for people to talk to on msn.. for i have even deleted her contact.. so i oso dunno if she is online anymore.. i dun want to add her back for now.. i feel so horrible right now..

well.. Daryl told me something that i also know about long ago.. at least he had the heart to remind me.. yea.. i draw too much attention to myself.. in everything i do, i am an attention seeker.. i need attention to survive.. or maybe not..

well.. i have to change how i talk next time..

oooh.. many things to do..

2008-11-20T06:45:00.000-08:00

Many things to do from next week..

Monday, Bio project meeting..
Tuesday, Possible TPYCC Taek outing, Collect books, Collect Run Inspirator Pack!
Wednesday: Collect run inspirator pack if i cannot make it on tuesday
Thursday: Taekwondo, Marathon Training!
Friday: NP!!

i am not including the rest..

sian.. jia zhi say i bully her.. sian diao..
why is it that every moment that passes by is just so difficult and hard?
Why is it that we have to be perfect for everyone else but ourselves?
Why is it that i cannot seem to get her out of my mind?
Why is it that during taekwondo, i cannot seem to get my mind off her?
Why is it that during marathon trainings, i cannot stop thinking about her?
Why is it that when i am sad, i think about her?
Why is it that when i am happy i think about her?
Why is it that i hate her so much, and i cannot stop thinking about her?
Why is it that people are reading my blog and having wrong thoughts?
Why is it that i hate myself so much for having these thought?
Why is it that i start all my questions with, "Why is it that "?
Why is it that i am starting to feel bored typing this crap?
Why is it that i am going to stop typing?
Why is it that i do not wish to continue typing?
Why is it that i do not wish to think about anything anymore?
Why is it that i have to ASK SO MANY FREAKING QUESTION!!!

??

2008-11-19T01:32:00.000-08:00

Not in the best of mood this morning.. got angry at jia zhi over nth.. lol.. think she now very angry with me.. sian.. i hate it when people say i like this girl or that girl.. it makes me unhappy.. for some reasons, i dun like people disturbing me over how i feel over certain girls.. not very nice feeling.. especially what kah hwee and jiazhi is doing over my tagboard and msn..

WHY!!!

2008-11-18T16:34:00.000-08:00

tags replied here..
Amanda: Orh...
Jia Zhi: OMG.. i know who u like lerh! K.H H..E xD
Lynette: I will not bear the grudge for so long derh.. although u almost make me want to scold ur squad for the whole night, i am not angry over it liao.. so.. apology accepted xD

Back to posting..
Why can't i forget things that i do not want to remember! why.. why is it always so irritating to remember things that makes me feel like hating myself even more..

i hate homework! i hate it! aaaargh.. so much homework..

why must people be so largy messed up.. and everytime i tell them to do things, they drag for a few days, and throw it back at me when i am busy??

Examples..
Yesterday morning.. got someone to make the Timetable for the next activity.. i rush abit.. then the person say.. Sorry hor.. I dun want to sacrifice my time for this.. U want to sacrifice ur time, then too bad..

Was kinda frustrated that the person expected me to help her do most of the job before she could finish it.. would'nt that be moonlighting? get others to do most of the dirty work like finding all over, begging people to give me the timetable template?.. maybe not begging.. but still asking all over the place.. then the person just have to fill in the timeslots and send it to the one in-charge.. and gets all the credit!..

2nd example..
Last night.. got this bugger send me this message..

Hey can u try to do the bio project? coz i have library duty this whole week.. and saturday not free.. left sunday..

and i replied him..
that is not a good excuse.. Library shelving is voluntary.. can cancel one..and i told u much earlier than this..

Well.. obviously, i told the person about thinking about the topic before i even went to camp.. which is like.. last wednesday or thursday.. pls dun tell me he did not have enough time even for that.. volunteer service in library is not compulsory.. the bugger i think is want to spend time with the girl he like lorh.. he go psycho the girl to go do oso.. then.. dun do the job that i assigned him..

I hate all this crap.. everyone tells me they are not free.. everyone complains to me when i give them jobs to do.. no one bothers about how i feel about getting all the crap thrown back at me..

I told this jackass online.. hey inform our squadmates that this friday have training..

well.. he came up with a stupid excuse..

HUUUUUH!!! i going out leh.. u tell them larh.. (and he signs out)

WTF!!!... basketcases!.. this is the crap everyone gives me.. i assign work.. and they disregard my words.. no one ever takes me seriously.. and worse still is the jackass.. when i am in-charge of the campfire during camp, i told him to get something.. he told me to get it myself.. as if he was of higher authority than me.. i am not angry about who has the higher authority.. is the problem that.. he threw my job to him, back at me..

I HATE ALL THIS SHIT!! AAAARGH!

Training camp

2008-11-16T16:42:00.000-08:00

well yesterday was the last day of the sec1 annual training camp.. xD i shall post everything i remember..

1st day..
All sec3 full of energy.. i was flag bearer.. they make me stand so long before parade start.. i had to include a baton onto my full-u coz i will be taking footdrill along with the drill team due o the lack of manpower,although i am from the recreation team.. the sec1n2 all oso take baton.. haha.. they look so cute with it..

had drills while my department was cooking lunch.. well it was horrible as we had to eat ration.. and the maggi mee was soggy.. disgusted.. drills again.. dinner better but still not nice.. our overall, was going mad on his creations.. Eggs with Tuna, Eggs with baked beans, and eggs with some char.. sian... was so disgusted looking at it at the start..

Then had campfire preparation.. the sec1 n 2s all dunno how to make their own cheers.. very disappointed had to help them with most of it.. but the other sec3s teach them alot of nonsense that almost got me into trouble.. supper and debrief.. supper was green bean soup.. but the green bean never open at all.. so just give the soup.. still ok.. night debrief for sec3s.. got alot of things to settle due to problems that our teacher officers saw.. everyone about to go to sleep lerh.. 3.30am ended.. go shower and sleep.. 4.30am FIRE DRILL.. AAAARGH!.. cannot remember what happened.. but CIs said that i was first to wake up.. then i go push about some cadets to wake them up.. for some reasons, my eyes and mouth were not opening.. no energy to open.. xD then when the whistle stopped ringing, i suddenly went to sit.. then blow again, then i go out..

wth.. we broke the record of the longest fire drill.. 20min+ WAAAAAAAAAAAH!! very sad..

2nd day.. straight after fire drill.. lol.. so in total, slept roughly 1hour.. had morning PT.. very shag.. cannot do pumping coz my hand kenna blister from punishment for our extremely slow reaction to the fire drill..

Then, wei qin made this comment.. Being fit, and lack of sleep is one big difference.. which i strongly agree.. lol.. after breakfast, drills again.. lunch, drills again.. then went to learn flagstaff.. Endurance run.. The in-charge say was about 8km.. but when the run finished, it felt like onli 3km to me even though i was very tired.. then CI Andrew took over.. also known as the PT Machine, he lived up to his name by making most of the cadets fall out.. Good thing that i did not xD

Campfire preparation was kinda bad.. Campfire, worse.. was very disappointed with the sec2s.. almost lose my restrain on them.. never felt like doing that.. but what they did almost got me into big trouble.. but thanks to the CIs, they saved me alot.. i am really glad that they did.. during the debrief, continued talking about our mistakes..

When i looked into my squadmates faces, all i can see are pale white faces.. and black eyes.. Camp coordinator almost losing it.. slept earlier.. 2.30 ended.. then 3.30 fire drill.. wth.. but lucky that was my timeslot for Sentry duty.. so i got off scot free from the punishment xD..

3rd day..
so in total, after the sentry duty, slept 30mins.. so during the whole camp, slept for 2hour 30min.. was shagged! well.. nothing much to say for the last half day..

good job to the sec1 n 2 best squad cadet.. Amanda, and Jian wen..
Sec3 best squad cadet was quite a surprise.. never thought that person would get it.. he must have been doing something that even I do not know..

the sec1 n 2 best cadet so good.. can get toblerone.. i never get mine.. they give me more maggi mee to bring home then have..lol..

End of CAMP!!

Well.. dun want to talk about camp lerh.. long post huh? well still have more..

I always had something as a restrain.. and my emotions is the strongest one.. i really want to get rid of this.. i have removed all her contacts.. i made myself hate her.. i broke my promise to her to message her straight after my camp.. i hope that i can finally feel free from restrains..

Saded..

2008-11-13T04:21:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow training camp.. gonna be very stressed..

Found out something that is very saddening to me.. sadded.. aaaaaargh!

Yay!

2008-11-12T04:48:00.000-08:00

This is the first time i won any competition online.. WOOTS!! i won this competition of the runspirator or smth for the Standard Chartered marathon.. Things included..

Yellow adidas running singlet which has my winning inspirational motto, "Life is like a marathon, never stop running" and a yellow adidas split shorts, AND! a adizero neon yellow running shoe!!! With 200 others, including some famous people whose names i cannot remember, will be running as yellow running spots among those wearing blue xD

the total cost of those things is about $316! i am so happy xD haha.. cannot wait to collect the prize.. now i will have 2 adidas running shoe lerh

so i can finally alternate properly within my runs.. instead of running with my adidas original which actually is very uncomfortable to run in.. xD